You'll Grow Old
by BadWolfIsMe
Summary: ...At the same time as me?" "forever" when the Doctor.2 told Rose that they would grow old together, not one of the five people stood on the beach that day expected him to be wrong. but on the day they are meant to die, only one dies while the other lives
1. Age

**woo! a new story!**

**to be honest with you, i've had this written for a while now, FF has not been allowing me to upload for some unknown reason**

**next chapter will probably be up soon, as i finished it this morning, but don't hold me to that, cuz it could take a while for me to actually get it onto the site...lol**

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"_You'll grow old… at the same time as me?"_

"_Together"_

_Oh how she wished that was true!_

"It's not meant to be like this!" Rose tried to shout, but she found her voice oddly hoarse, like she hadn't used it in years.

"I know…" he replied, his voice soft and comforting. His fingers gently stroked her palm, moving in tiny circles. She watched the steady trail of his fingertips, looked at their intertwining hands. Old and young. Still young. Forever. Young.

"You said we'd grow old together… and I believed you… So why this? Why now?" Rose asked, still struggling to handle the truth she had lived with for 20 odd years.

It had all been good, for so long. They had been married for 60 years, happily. Still, sometimes they thought about the original Doctor, both knew they would go back to the stars in a heartbeat, but they couldn't, and they were happy with each other. Both had lived a life neither thought they could ever have. But it was wrong.

"_Specifically the aging part… I'll grow old and never regenerate…"_

And now Rose sat, while her beloved Doctor lay cold and still by her side. She would stay with him. She knew that. She would stay with him and hold his hand until his last breath left him. Then she would go. Never look back. She was meant to survive whether she liked it or not.

The Doctor could feel his energy disappearing from his body, but at the same time he could see it swirl in his wife. Time. Pure and utter time. It would keep her safe. He only wished he could do the same.

Rose brought their linked hands tenderly to her lips, and brushed some of her warmth onto the Doctor's dying body through his fingers. She was warm… so warm, where he was cold.

It wasn't fair! It wasn't meant to be like this! She was human and he was half – should that mean that she died first?! And yet she lived. Where no human should. She was 83 years old and still looked 23. It was so wrong. She shouldn't have out lived him! Anyone else, fine, but him?!

Tears dropped from her face onto his.

Their life. Their wonderful, happy life. It had started so great, they were so perfect for each other – everyone said so. But then the Doctor began to age, and Rose stood still, captured in time, perfect. People started accusing the Doctor of cradle-snatching more and more over the years, until people would start accusing him of being her _father_! It got to the point, where they couldn't even defend the relationship any further, and they couldn't tell anyone about their years of marriage. Besides, who would believe her when Rose told people that she had been married to the same man for 40 years, when she only looked half that age herself!

It wasn't fair. They both knew that. When he had told her that he'd grow old, neither suspected for one second that she wouldn't. He had, of course, worked it all out years back, but he wouldn't tell her. He _couldn't_ tell her. It wasn't right. It was just… wrong.

.o0o0o

Rose felt the TARDIS before the sounds of it's engines even reached her ears. Despite the universal retro closure, she had always known he would come, on the day of their joint death, to see them. She knew he would be there to say goodbye.

She wondered if he knew, if he had always known, or if he had worked it out. Maybe he never knew, and to this day, he still didn't know that her life was so far from over.

The Doctor's grip on her hand increased as he realised the his original was on his way. Still, neither could hear the engines, but they knew it would be there in a moment. Both were connected to the machine like that, even though Rose was only just discovering it, she wasn't surprised. Just like she hadn't been surprised when the Doctor had aged, and she hadn't. She supposed, after everything she'd seen, there wasn't much left to surprise her anymore.

As the TARDIS materialised behind her, Rose didn't turn her head, not once did she look away from the man she had spent her life with, and would be leaving shortly to continue. At last, she realised what the Doctor.1 had meant, all that time ago when they had met Sarah-Jane for the first time:

"_I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay… you wither and you die… imagine watching that happen to someone you…"_

She had understood what he meant then, but only now could she really imagine what it must be like for him. The lonely traveller. She had understood his loneliness, but only now could she truly feel it for herself. She would be alone, one the Doctor's double had gone. She would be like him. Alone.

The doors of the TARDIS crept open. Rose half-heartedly wondered whether he had changed again, or whether he was still the same man. She decided she didn't mind either way. He was the Doctor, no matter what. Once, she had found that difficult to understand, but now the idea didn't bother her much. Nothing bothered her much anymore.

She felt empty inside. She had felt similar when the Doctor.2 had first been diagnosed with cancer. That feeling of helplessness, coupled with the fear of loosing, the fear of falling.

"_We're falling through space, you and me, clinging to this tiny planet… and if we let go…"_

She could feel it now. The turn of the Earth, like he had described to her all those years ago. She once thought that time would pass and her memories would fade, but as the Doctor clinged to her hand, all the memories were clearer than they ever had been.

"_I can see everything… All that is… all that was… all that ever could be…"_

She felt a hand on her shoulder and she didn't look up. She was afraid of the face she would see. Her blond hair, not died, still naturally bold, fell over her face.

"How is he?" the man Rose knew to be the Doctor asked, clearly speaking about the old, frail body in front of them.

_He thinks I'm a nurse…_ Rose thought to herself before replying, "He's alright. Not long left now… but he's hanging on…"

"And how are you?" he asked, so softly Rose couldn't be sure she heard him. His voice sounded the same, and yet slightly different, aged and tied, much like her own. She wondered what losses he had witnessed since leaving her behind.

Rose took a deep breath, before looking up at the man she had once loved. She peered into concerned eyes – his eyes. The same eyes. Yet still, they were so different. The same never-ending age. The same wisdom. Only the Doctor's eyes looked like that. Not even his double, his exact replica – only human – 's eyes had the same wisdom and age as the original. The was less in Rose's Doctor's eyes, and still so much more.

His eyes were green now. He had regenerated. They were the same eyes, though. The same eyes Rose had gazed into when she was 19, only a little greener. A little less brown.

Rose wasn't surprised to find him regenerated. She wasn't surprised to find him changed, and yet still the same. Never surprised. Not anymore. Not ever.

She smiled sadly as her eyes roamed his face, "Ginger," she whispered, the hand that wasn't holding her dying husband's absentmindedly slipping to tangle themselves in the original's slightly longer, slightly floppier, ginger hair.

"Yeah, ginger," he replied with an equally sad smile.

Her hand remained there for a moment, before she let it drop back to her side. Rose sighed, before turning her attention back to her husband.

_He may not be the original, _Rose thought, _but he's mine. And he's gunna be mine until his last breath takes him away from me. And he'll still be mine. And I'll always be his. Always._

Rose didn't say anything and neither did he. Both just watched.

After a while, the Doctor pulled over a chair and sat next to Rose. His Rose. The Rose he gave away… so she could be happy.

_She's not old…_ He had expected them both to be old, but Rose wasn't. He wasn't sure whether he understood that, but he didn't press the matter. He didn't say anything about it at all. Something inside him told him that he should've expected it, or at least considered the possibility, but he hadn't, and he wasn't going to lie to himself or Rose. Not anymore. He had decided that just after he regenerated last.

They both sat in silence. Neither had anything to say. Well, that wasn't strictly true, the Doctor had a thousand things to say, _'I'm sorry' 'I missed you' 'will you come back?' 'did you have a good life?' 'I love you'_ but he would wait until she was ready before he said anything. He would wait until she was ready.

So he just sat with Rose as they watched his doubleganger sleep.

.o0o0o

"Should've known you would come." An old, tired voice broke the silence. The Doctor looked to himself and a small smile slipped into place on his face as he saw one echoed on the old man's.

"Couldn't stay away," he whispered, "I'm sorry…" he began, but was cut of with a feeble wave of the other Doctor's pale hand.

"Don't be. No regrets! That's what I keep trying to tell everyone, but will they listen?" he gave a good-natured laugh. It was warm and jolly. An echo of a good life. A fulfilling life. Despite it's quietness and obvious age, this laugh had been shared a lot over the years, and it wasn't quite ready to give up yet. "Rose…" he whispered.

Both men turned to look at Rose, who's blond hair was once again covering her face. She was staring furiously at their linking hands. Young and old. Right and wrong. Life and death. A tear dropped from her cheek and landed on her knee.

She didn't say anything.

"Rose, my love…" still, she didn't speak. She couldn't.

"Rose…?" the original Doctor whispered, cautiously placing a hand on her shoulder. He half expected her to shake it off immediately, and when she didn't he gained confidence and gently began to stroke her arm.

Rose didn't shake him off. She didn't have the strength anymore. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She couldn't care. She just couldn't.

"My Doctor…" her voice came out as a whisper, a hoarse, tired whisper. She didn't know which Doctor she was addressing, and found herself cursing that they had never given the second Doctor another name. They were going to… at one point. But they had decided against it in the end. They had just, never needed him to be known as anything other than the Doctor. It was who he was, and Rose had never wanted to change that about him.

Occasionally, they had introduced him as Dr John Tyler, but he was the Doctor. That was all he ever needed to be.

But now, she wished she had always called him that. Her John. _It would've made today a hell of a lot easier_! She thought, turning her face to look at the two men. The men who had once looked the same, but now one was old and the other was changed.

Only she remained exactly the same as she had on that beach, when she had said goodbye that last time.

Now she would have to say goodbye again. And she wasn't sure how long she would be able to keep this up, saying goodbye. She could see why the Doctor always avoided it where possible. Why he didn't come back.

But he had come back now. Would he stay? Or would he leave? Would he even say a proper goodbye this time? Rose didn't know, and it was hurting her head trying to figure it out.

"Hey! I'm the one who's meant to be ill here! You're not allowed to go fainting until I'm dead in my grave!" the dying Doctor said, as Rose found herself slightly dizzy, "God, I never thought I'd say that!" he grinned at her, that grin that could still melt her in a single glance, even with the added effects of age, leaving her smiling back – an empty smile, too sad for true happiness, but still a smile.

"That's it… a bit of a smile…" the original Doctor said, also grinning now.

She hated calling him that – the _original_ – it made it sound like her Doctor was a copy, a trick of the light, when he was so much more. He was a person, his own person. More than a copy. He was different from the Doctor too, he had his own traits just like everyone else. They weren't the same person. After god-only-knows how many years, Rose knew that.

Tenderly, the Doctor.1 wrapped his hand around Rose's spare one, so they were all connected. The Time Lord, the human who didn't age, and the half alien. What a strange group! Yet still they sat – and lay – together. United by the events and by an undying love for each other. No, not all of them would admit to it, but it was there, connecting them more than they would ever know.

.o0o0o

"No! Doctor, hold on! Just hold on! You'll be okay! Oh-my-god! Don't die! Please! Don't leave me!" Rose's frantic cries subsided to begging whispers, as she clung to her husband's dying form. The first Doctor stood back, allowing her space and time to say goodbye. The time had come.

"Rose… let go… it's time… everything has it's time and everything dies…" the man who called himself the Doctor whispered, barely having the strength left to stroke her hair and reassure her.

All his words made Rose do, however, was sob more, her tears staining her beautiful face, but she didn't stop anyway, "No!" she sobbed, not caring that the nurses where coming into the room, not caring that the Time Lord had moved closer to her and had laid a protective hand on her shoulder. All she cared about was this man, dying in her arms and there was nothing, _nothing_ she could do about it, "I love you, my Doctor…" she whispered into his ear.

"I love you too… I always have… and I always will…" he whispered back, his voice disappearing from his abilities, in one last, desperate hope, he pulled her closer to him, "_We_ love you, Rose. Remember that."

She kissed him on the forehead, softly, barely applying any pressure at all, but it was enough. He closed his eyes and let go, knowing that his angle would be safe.

Rose watched the life leave his eyes and sobbed, clinging to his white hospital robe. They never did go to Barcelona. All those things she wanted to show him, all those thing he wanted to show her, now they could never happen.

She had known he would have to leave at some point, he was getting old and she wasn't. It was wrong, but it was what happened. She had always known… but that didn't make the blow any softer when it arrived.

She held him closer to her, trying vainly to hear his heartbeat, anything to show he had even a scrap of life in him, but he was gone. After all that. He was gone.

.o0o0o

"Rose…" she wasn't even aware she had left the room until she looked around and saw the familiar TARDIS walls around her. She supposed the Doctor must've moved her at some point. She wasn't sure whether to love him or resent him for that.

He was her Doctor. She had loved him first. He was real. He was alive. Even today she looked at the stars and wished she could see them again. Her husband had always told her 'never stop dreaming'. She trusted him with her life.

There were a thousand reasons she could think of to keep her in the TARDIS, but the only one she could think of to keep her out was the biggest and the one she knew she would have to go by:

He's not her husband.

Could she really go everyday with a man she loved, a man who shared the memories of the man she married? She honestly didn't know.

"Rose…?" she looked up, suddenly very aware of everything. The ticking of a clock somewhere behind her, the racing of her heart, the dripping of a tap on the other side of the TARDIS, the breath of the man standing over her…

"Rose!" he caught her just before she fell, "Are you alright?" he asked softly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer,

"Yeah… I'm… I'm fine…" she replied, pressing her hand to her forehead. When did she get such a headache?! She could feel energy flowing around her, pulsing through her veins. She looked at her hand when she noticed something odd, it was shimmering slightly, and her veins where sticking out much more than usual.

The Doctor was passing her some water, he hadn't realised. Shaking, she knocked the water to the floor, where the glass smashed, "Get away!" she shouted, pulling herself off the bench she was sat on. She needed to be standing.

The Doctor looked at her with fear in his eyes, he knew what was coming now. She had surprised him when she smashed the glass, but he knew that she must've realised before he did.

He didn't pretend to understand how this was happening, but he knew that he had to help her. She couldn't do this on her own.

"Rose, try to stand without support… that's it… now stand completely still… relax… it won't hurt…" he guided her gently, coxing her into the right position. She obeyed him without a seconds thought, and it didn't take long before she was standing in the middle of the medi-bay, ready for what both knew was coming next.

_So this is dying…_ she thought, before a second voice entered her head, _not dying… surviving…_

An immense energy consumed her, heat filling up every last inch of her tired body. She wanted to scream, to leave, but there was nothing she could do. She wanted to run away, but there was nowhere to run to. Behind the fire, she could see the Doctor, his now-green eyes never leaving hers.

He could feel her pain, she was sure. She was exploding, and he was just watching, unable to help. No-one could help her now. She was dying… dying inside herself. She would be trapped, forever her own slave. She didn't want to leave… she wanted to stay the way she was, the last way _he_ had seen her.

_He died never knowing who I would become,_ she thought bitterly, before the fires overcame her and she could think no more.

And still he watched.


	2. Life

**kay. another chapter for you lovely people!**

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**as for River Song... you can make up your own mind about what you think...**

**hopefully you will all enjoy this next chapter...so, without any further distractions... enjoy! (and review for me please!)**

* * *

It was weird. At first it had hurt, it had been burning her head and she was screaming, shouting, but no-one could hear. Then it stopped, the pain disappeared. She knew it was still there, but it didn't burn like it did before.

Rose could feel her short, blond hair lengthening to just below her shoulders and acquiring a slight natural wave. She could feel the colour darkening to a light brunette, with dark blondy highlights adorning the new style.

She could feel her brown eyes pail to a sort of misty, mixed colour, and her face changing shape. Her legs were getting slightly longer, as were her nails.

She was thinning out a little, which was weird, but she knew that it would be easy to gain weight but would still look alright if she did, and her lips were a bit fatter, a bit more pouted.

Her tanned skin was palling, and she could feel a mole on her left side, above her hip.

Then, as suddenly as it started, the sensation of change stopped, and Rose stood in her new body, tired and confused, but at the same time, oddly calm.

"Hello," she said, with a much stronger voice than she had imagined after that, it was a tone or two deeper as well, which was strange. She rolled her tongue around in her mouth for a moment, before turning to the Doctor, who was still watching her.

"You okay?" he asked, carefully approaching her and reaching out a hand to touch her arm, there was something nagging in the back of his mind as he looked at her, but he ignored it.

"Yeah… yeah I am actually…" she replied in her new voice. She looked down at the Doctor's new hand on her new arm, "I won't bite," she smiled, for some reason she was happy like this, as though something had actually gone right_. I belong like this_, she thought, something was very good.

The Doctor grinned and shook his head at her, "I missed you…" he whispered, almost to himself.

Rose's smile increased, and for a moment, it was like all those years she lived with her other Doctor had never happened, and she pulled him into a tight hug. She didn't say anything, she didn't have to, she still loved him – it was just a little… different.

They were exactly the right height for each other in their new forms, much like they had been in their old ones, and when they broke apart, both were thrilled to find their hands still fitted perfectly.

The Doctor slowly lead his old friend back to the control room of the TARDIS, never releasing her hand. Rose followed without even thinking about it. Even now, after all this time, she would follow him to the ends of the Earth and beyond and never question him.

Together, they sat on the bench-like chair in the control room. They didn't say anything, they didn't have to. They just went over the past events in their heads, trying to make some sense or connection of the whole thing.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor eventually decided on, his usual phrase for when he was unsure of what should be said.

"Why?" Rose asked, genuinely not knowing what the Doctor could possibly have to be sorry for.

"I don't know… for… everything, I guess…" he tried. Once, he would never have got away with that, but now Rose just shrugged, she didn't have to energy to argue the point.

"Sophie will be here soon… she promised she'd come back around now…" Rose said, randomly, a wistful expression on her face after a while had gone past in silence.

"Sophie?" the Doctor asked, unsure whether or not to push the subject.

"She's my daughter," Rose replied, simply, "Well, mine and his…. To you that would make her… um… your half daughter?… um… what _would_ she be to you?"

The Doctor shook his head, "I don't know… I don't think… um… god, you've got a point… um…" Rose laughed, giving the Doctor a very good opportunity to break off his train of thought and instead hit Rose lightly on the side of her head.

She whimpered and tried to get away from him, but the Doctor held Rose fast, and began searching to see if her new body was ticklish.

"Stop! No, please! Stop!" Rose begged, but the Doctor just took this as encouragement and continued searching her body for more sensitive spots.

Rose gasped for air as the Doctor found an extremely ticklish place on the sole of her left foot, and she kicked out in anguish. Then she pulled him to her, and began to get her own back.

_He's so much more ticklish then he was before_, Rose thought, easily making him double up with laughter, frantic begging for the end, swapping lips so he was the one pleading for mercy instead of the previous Rose.

"So… where is Sophie?" the Doctor asked cautiously when the tickling had stopped.

Rose looked at the Doctor, a cross between a serious and overjoyed expression on her face, "Turns out there's a Doctor in this universe after all! And she found him, my daughter found him. She saved his life…" Rose looked at her feet before continuing, "I don't know if they love each other… they've been travelling… she was so surprised when me and the Doctor didn't question her any further when she returned after a week of 'travelling' saying she had been staying at a mates," she smiled at the memory, "I knew where she was and who she was with… I don't worry about her too much when she's with him, I know he'll save her… like you saved me…" a tear came to her eye as Rose added the final piece, "She honestly thinks she'll die for him, one day, and I don't doubt that she will… and the scary thing is… I don't think I mind… all the things they've done, just like we did, I don't think she's afraid of dying, and, although it breaks my heart, I always knew that someday my baby would leave and not return to me… she's destined for greater things… It's like Sarah-Jane told me, some things are worth getting your heart broken for, and some things are worth dying for…" Rose broke off and the Doctor pulled her into a hug.

Would she do that? Would his Rose leave with him, thinking she would die? _Knowing_ she would die? It was almost too much for him to bare, and if Rose was okay with her daughter doing it, who was to say that she wouldn't happily die… for him?

He gently rubbed her sobbing back, soothing Rose's cries. He had been going to ask her to come with him, obviously once she was ready and had gotten over her husband's death, but now he wasn't so sure. Was that all Rose thought there was? Life with him and then death? Quick, early death? And she thought it was worth it, she had said so herself, could he really bring her to that? Bring his Rose to death?

_No._ something in him immediately said, but another voice told him that he could, that Rose wanted it, wanted him, wanted to leave. _She said that too, _it told her, _she said I saved her,_ another voice spoke up, _but how long can I keep saving her for?_

.o0o0o

At the sound of a TARDIS materialising, Rose jumped up and, pulling the Doctor with her, rushed out of their own.

The Doctor watched with interest as a familiar, if slightly different, police box came whirring into view. _So that's what it looks like, I'd always wondered, _he thought.

Suddenly, the Doctor realised he had some tinkering to do to his own TARDIS, and needed to leave now, he was about to say this to Rose when she slipped her hand around his and gave him a reassuring smile,

"You'll be fine," she whispered, leaning against him slightly. As suddenly as they had come, all thoughts of leaving left him and he stood, side by side with Rose Tyler, as another TARDIS slowly appeared before them.

"Is it always this slow?" the Doctor muttered to Rose, who was still holding his hand firmly.

"Sometimes, usually it's a little quicker than this. Maybe he's just trying to work out who the two strange people watching him are, when I'm the only who's meant to be here, with her father," Rose looked at the Doctor's slightly pale face, "Don't worry, though, yours is a lot faster!" she laughed as colour returned to him, maybe not all, but most.

"Thank goodness for that!" he joked, nudging Rose, "And I hope you told him that the first time you saw it!"

Rose didn't reply, actually, she had told him that his TARDIS was painfully slow for a time machine, his reply had been 'oh yeah! And how may time machines have _you _been in?!' she had responded by saying that she had lived in a TARDIS for the best of two or three years, and still would be, had the void not closed and trapped her in a parallel universe. That had shut him up!

She smiled up at the Doctor again, wondering what had happened since she had left. How many companions had he had? How long had it been? Did he miss her? Would he ever take her back? Thousands of questions and so little time to ask them, she hadn't even asked how long he was staying. She didn't want to know how he got there, she was afraid of what the answer would be, and how much damage it was doing to the universe just by him being there. She didn't want to know, because if she didn't know, then she couldn't want to help. By not knowing, she wouldn't want him to leave.

_Does it always take this long?! _Rose thought, suddenly very aware of the fact that the TARDIS still hadn't materialised. _It must take some skill, to keep it half and half like that! Half in the vortex and half in the time, that must be difficult._

She had always been good at understanding what was going on in the TARDIS. She had surprised the AU Doctor by asking him what he was doing, and when he answered 'you wouldn't understand', she had told him to 'try me', he had then gone on to explain something very complicated that she couldn't for the life of her remember now, but at the time she had listened and absorbed all the information he had given her, then had completely stunned him by reaching over and flicking a single switch – solving all the problems he had just listed. Obviously, he had wanted to know how she had known what to do, "parallel universes aren't so different" was all he'd got as an answer.

She could remember her Doctor's proud smile when she had sorted out the AU TARDIS, and the way he had told her exactly how to scare this Doctor with her knowledge of the TARIDS.

The way the two of them had laughed after saying goodbye to their daughter and watching her fly off, not for the first time, to a new adventure.

"Rose…?" the Doctor breathed, his gentle squeeze on her hand bringing her back to the present. She looked up at him, a small smile on her lips to try to reassure him that it would be alright when she worked out what he was going to say before he said it, "They're here."

The door of the TARDIS creaked open, revealing Rose's daughter and a man who didn't look like her Doctor ever had.

"Is that what I'm going to look like?" the Doctor whispered, horrified. Rose nudged him in the ribs, but couldn't help the smile setting on her lips.

"No, I don't think you two will ever look the same… maybe you did… once… but I think where and when you die have something to do with what you look like once you've regenerated. Obviously, this Doctor never had me, so he may have regenerated with the living plastic-things, but I wouldn't know. I don't know when he last changed," Rose explained. The Doctor felt his heart swell with pride and confusion, Rose suddenly seemed to know more about his biology than he did! This was getting very confusing.

Rose watched with tears in her eyes as her daughter took her Doctor's hand and slowly approached Rose and her Doctor.

"Two Doctors… three if you count the deceased… this is going to get confusing!" Rose muttered quietly. _As if it's not confusing enough_, the Doctor thought, smiling and squeezing his girl's hand gently.

Sophie and her Doctor stopped just short of Rose and hers. Both pairs were holding hands like a lifeline, and neither looked entirely sure of what to do next. In the end, it was Sophie who spoke up first.

"Who are you?"

The tears were obvious in Rose's voice as she whispered, "It's me. It's your mother," Sophie just shook her head, obviously not believing,

"No, who are you? _What_ are you? Trust me, I've seen things you can't even believe and you are not mum! For one, my mum is blond,"

The pride shone in the AU Doctor's eyes as he watched his companion stand up to the woman who was calling herself Sophie's mother.

"I… I… I regenerated," Rose explained, with just a hint of a broken smile,

"That's impossible…" the AU Doctor breathed, "Only a Time Lord can regenerate, and Rose Tyler is defiantly _not_ a Time Lord! Thank god!"

Rose's eyes narrowed and Sophie nudged her Doctor in the ribs at his comment, thankfully though, Rose's Doctor thought it the right time to speak up,

"Yes… curious, isn't it… how a human in the wrong universe could regenerate, but then, isn't it curious that Sophie knew exactly how to find you, and, judging by her expression, was not afraid of anything you showed her. Now, I'm just an outsider, but I can tell that Rose told her daughter almost everything, except her little incidence with the time vortex… anyway, best left in the past…" the Doctor began to circulate the room, like he always does when he's in the middle of a grand speech.

"And who are you, to talk like you know?" the AU Doctor asked, with just a hint of hostility towards the newcomers presence.

"Me? I'm the Doctor." he replied, coming back to stand next to Rose, who leant against him again, slightly, whispering a silent 'thank you' inside her head.

"I think you'll find _I'm _the Doctor, thank you very much," he stated, causing the Doctor's grin to increase,

"Yes, you are!" he declared, bouncing off again, "But you're the Doctor of this universe, and I'm not from this universe, I'm from a different one, like Rose, in fact… I think you'll find it's the same universe…" he looked at Rose as if for confirmation, but all he got was a choked giggle from behind a hand and a 'oh-my-god-all-hope-is-lost' kind of head shake, "look," he continued, turning the other Doctor to face the two TARDIS's, "Even got the same TARDIS…"

"Mum…?" Sophie breathed, and at once Rose had her engulfed in a tight hug, both women crying and laughing and making the Time Lords feel a little uncomfortable for even being there at that moment. "But… how?" Sophie asked when they broke apart.

Rose shook her head and turned to the Doctors for advise. Both looked at each other, then back at the women, then back at each other.

Rose sighed and rolled her eyes at them, "I'm not sure… but I think it may be something to do with the time vortex, and the after-effects it's had on me… we just don't know really… could be anything… I travelled with the Doctor for quite a while and it could've been a number of things that I've been through… but why I regenerated… I just don't know…"

The Doctor came over to Rose and placed a protective hand on her shoulder.

"So… where's dad?" she asked. Rose felt her eyes brim with tears and she turned to hug the man she had once called her world. He held her close to him, and mouthed over her head, 'He's gone'.

The AU Doctor was straight there, holding Sophie to him while she cried for her father.

Rose recovered first, brushing herself off as though that would get rid of her pain and would allow her to be surprised again, but it didn't work. She still felt oddly numb as she took her daughters hand and showed her to the dead man. He was so peaceful, he could've been sleeping, had it not been for the gentle rise and fall of his chest wasn't there. She held her daughter as they cried together, mourning the loss of a father and a husband, a man they had loved, had grown to love.

"Rose," the Doctor finally whispered, once the two women had almost run out of tears. At hearing her name, Rose released Sophie and moved to take her Doctor's outstretched hand. Sophie instantly did the same. It was obvious that neither thought about what they were doing, it was just a reaction to the man they each had found what living was with. Just an automatic reaction.

So, together, the four of them walked out of the room, hand in hand. The Doctor, Rose, Sophie, AU Doctor. They just left the TARDIS's where they were, they all knew that no-one would notice them, and even if they did, no-one could ever get into them without a key.

.o0o0o

When they were finally all back in the Tyler mansion, Sophie allowed herself to cry again. Sobbing into her Doctor's jacket, he had his arm comfortingly around her – just a little symbol of protection where he could give none.

Rose was in the kitchen making them all a cup of tea, her Doctor stood in the doorway, watching her as she busied herself in such an everyday task. To anyone else, Rose would look brave and strong in the face of her husband's death, but the Doctor knew that inside, she was dying. He would give anything to walk up to her and put his arms around her fragile body, but he couldn't. Not yet. He didn't know what Rose thought of his return yet, and he didn't want to push her.

Sure, she had seemed fine in the TARDIS, and fine in the hospital, she hadn't said anything all the way back to her… house?… but he still wanted to be sure that she didn't resent him. After all, he resented himself for leaving her there. He wished more than anything that he could go back, he could take her with him one final time, but he knew she would probably never accept. She had a daughter to think about now, and she couldn't just go swanning off whenever she felt like it.

Thankfully, the decision to touch her wasn't left to him. The Doctor found himself grinning despite himself as Rose's arms wound themselves tightly around his neck. He slipped his around her waist and pulled her closer to him, offering her comfort and… something else, but it was her choice whether or not she took it.

She sniffed and pulled away, turning back to the now-boiling kettle.

"Sorry," she breathed as she poured the water into 4 cups,

"No, Rose… you have nothing to be sorry for…" he placed a gentle hand on her arm, gentle, so she could pull away if she wanted to and he wouldn't be offended, "_I'm _sorry."

And Rose could see that he was. She knew what he was apologising for, but she wasn't sure if she wanted him to. Opening and closing her mouth a couple of times, Rose eventually decided not to say anything, instead, simply shaking her head seemed like a good idea as she put the finishing touches on the teas and pilling them all onto a tray, ready to bring into the large lounge where they had left Sophie with her Doctor.

.o0o0o

Sophie looked up upon her mother's entrance. Both she and AU Doctor accepted the tea they were offered gratefully, and sat in silence while they drank.

Following Rose like a faithful puppy was the Doctor.1, carrying a tray of biscuits. Nervously, he set them down on the large coffee table in the middle of the room next to the tray that had carried the teas in. Picking up his own, the Doctor then went to sit next to Rose. He wasn't sat as close as he used to, or would've liked to, but he was near her, and that was enough for him after all that time of not even being able to see her.

"So… we'll have to get the funeral arranged, and there's all his stuff that needs sorting… oh yeah, and we'll have to look over the will…" Rose started, putting on a brave face and trying not to show just how much it was hurting her to talk about this so early on.

"We don't have to do that straight away, we could wait a while… until you're ready… until you're both ready," the Doctor offered, leaning forward slightly.

Rose looked at him, amazed, "You're staying?" she breathed, not sure how she should feel about this… she certainly hadn't seen _this_ coming!

"Um… yeah… if you want… I thought… I could…um…" he stuttered, desperate not to say the wrong thing, but unwilling to go. He knew he would, if she wanted him to, but he wanted to be with her for as long as he could.

"You don't have to," Rose said. She didn't want to make him stay, as much as it would kill her further to watch him leave.

"I want to…" he whispered, instantly wondering if he said the right thing. He decided he did, when Rose's arms were back around his neck and her breath was hot on his ear,

"Thank you."

"So… um… what do we want to do…" Rose asked once she had pulled away. She didn't make any move to unwrap her arms from around his neck, and he kept his tightly around her waist, silently thankful for the contact.

Sophie turned to her Doctor, who she could see was getting a little flustered at the ideas being presented, "You don't have to stay," she offered, smiling slightly at his discomfort.

"No… no, you're alright, I'll stay if you want…" he argued. He didn't want to make her do this on her own.

"No, I'll be alright… you go… I know you're not good with domestic," she joked.

"You sure?" Sophie nodded, "Thanks…"

"Just…" She continued, as they both stood up, "Just, come back, yeah?" her hand was around his, holding him tightly.

The AU Doctor smiled and nodded, planting a kiss to her forehead, "I'll be back the day before the funeral and I'll wait from then… I'll wait," he squeezed her hand before releasing it and walking out the room, with only one look back at the family, "I'm coming back," he promised, and then he was gone.

Sophie fell back onto the sofa and buried her head in her hands. Sensing her daughters pain, Rose hurried over to her, pulling her into one of those hugs only a mother can give.

"I don't think he's coming back…" she whispered into her mum's shoulder, trying to hold back tears. Rose rubbed her back and tried to sooth her breaking daughter.

"Oh, I think he is," both women turned to look at the Doctor, who was standing peering out of the huge window. Feeling the double gazes on his back, he turned and looked at them, "I think he will come back,"

Rose looked at the floor, before speaking at scarcely more than a whisper, "That's what you do, you just leave us behind… that's what you did to Sarah-Jane," it was hard, but it was the truth, and they all knew it.

"I never told Sarah-Jane exactly when I'd be back, and… and I never looked at her the way he was looking at you," he spoke to Sophie, so softly none of them could be quite sure if he had really spoken, "The only person I've ever looked at like that was…" he trailed off, there would be time for that later, Rose didn't need to know right now.

"Was…?" but Rose didn't agree. The look in her eyes was so strong that the Doctor knew he wouldn't get away with trailing off at that moment.

_She deserves to know_, he thought, so he took a deep breath, "I came back for her… let's leave it at that…" he couldn't tell her, not yet. It seemed to work though, because Sophie almost smiled, and Rose dropped the subject. _She would never believe me anyway_, he tried to convince himself. Maybe he would tell her, maybe later, if she said yes…

"Let's have a look at that will, before we do anything," Sophie offered, bring her mum out of her thoughts.

"Sounds good…" she whispered, but it was obvious her mind was elsewhere. With a small nod from the Doctor, Sophie left the room to make a phone call to the will-keeper, leaving the Doctor and Rose alone.

"You alright?" he asked, finally finding his voice. Slowly, the Doctor made his way to sit by Rose. The woman he lost, but came back for. Doing the impossible… for her.

Rose nodded, sniffing back tears, "I loved him…" she whispered.

"Hey!" instantly, the Doctor's arms were around her, holding her still while she dampened his sleeve with tears, "It's alright… it'll be okay… I've got you, I'm here… I'm here…" he whispered, rocking Rose ever-so-slightly, his hand rubbing in circles by the small of her back.

Rose eventually pulled away, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, "Oh god! Look at me! I'm such a mess!" the Doctor didn't think so, but before he could tell her exactly that, Rose continued, "I used to sit here for hours, with him, and I used to think about you… he would ask what I was thinking about, but I couldn't tell him, I just couldn't. He already spent so much time thinking about how much happier you could make me… about how he was somehow _inferior _to you. Nonsense, I tried to tell him, and he wanted to believe me – I could see that – but something was always there, making him doubt himself… it was so hard… I just wanted to make him _see_ how much he meant to me… cuz he never believed me when I told him I loved him,"

The Doctor nodded, still circling the base of her back. It was so hard for him, to listen to Rose talking about loving his double, but at the same time thinking about him. It hurt him, to see how much it must have hurt her… hurt them both, "I'm so sorry," he tried, but Rose was having none of that.

"No! Don't say you're sorry! I don't _want_ you to be sorry! I don't regret any moment of my life since meeting you, even when it hurt like hell to watch you leave… I have had the most amazing, brilliant, _fantastic_ life, and it's all because of you. And I will miss my husband until the day I die, but I have learnt, after everything I've been through, to look back and smile, because the things I've done have been better than I could've ever imagined! And my life with him was brilliant, just different. I'm so lucky… I've had an amazing life with the both of you, and I wouldn't have missed a second of my time with either of you for the world!" she shook her head and wiped away the stray tears, "You both saved me… and, yes, it hurt to be left behind, but I learnt to love him, and our life was just as brilliant as any planet ever could be! I love you both…" she whispered the last bit, as though she was unsure if she should've said it. The Doctor merely grinned and pulled her close to him again.

"If you've learnt to look back and smile… then that's all I could've ever wished…" they both laughed and cried, and sometimes they couldn't tell the difference. They had each other, and nothing but happy memories. Rose realised that, as much as it hurt to let go, she was happy about her husband's life, rather than sad that it had ended. She knew that was something she could keep for the rest of her life – the knowledge of how to look back on something and think _I'm so glad that happened!_ Rather than _I wish it hadn't ended._

By loosing the two men she had given her heart, completely and utterly, she had learnt letting go of the past didn't mean forgetting it entirely, and that she could be happy with the memories she had.

Rose could see, that her Doctor hadn't learnt that yet, but someday, he would, and he wouldn't be so hurt by all those he had left behind, because he would see, that they had the time of their lives with him! _Someday_, Rose thought, _I'll get him to talk about Gallifrey, and he will realise that it lives on, in his memories… and that, despite it's sad that it's gone, it was good that it was once there._

She would teach him, someday, to let go… but to still keep the memory alive. She had learnt to do that with him, and she would have to do it again with her Doctor.2, but she would be okay, because everything has it's time and everything dies, and she finally understood what that meant.


	3. Death

**heyho another chappy! hopefully you'll all like this one, as it's quite a bit longer than the amount i usually write, but it has quite a bit in it. - well, that, and i ramble on about horizons for a...while. don't worry though! it all makes sense (in my head anyway)!**

**i'll try and get the next one up nice and quick for you, but that can't be guarranteed as i'm on holiday in france (yey!), so please don't hate me if it takes a little while for me to upload... hopefully it won't take too long though, as i am really enjoying writing this!**

**thank you all so much all those people who have reviewed/favourited/alerted so far! please keep reading and reviewing!**

**enjoy! x**

* * *

"You're so different," Sophie commented, perched on Rose and the half-Doctor's double bed as Rose shuffled through his old clothes.

"I'm not that different," she argued, pulling one of his jumpers out of the wardrobe and holding it up to her nose, it still smelt of him and Rose allowed herself to loose herself in his familiar, lost sent for just a moment. She looked back at her daughter and a sudden wave of curiosity overcame her, "In what way…?" she asked, still clutching the jumper, "I think I'll keep this," she said, almost to herself, adding it to the growing pile of 'keep' clothes.

"You just…are," Sophie tried to explain, but lost her already-complicated train of thought.

Rose smiled slightly, remembering, "Good different or bad different?"

"Just…different," Sophie replied, something on the 'keep' pile catching her eye. "My old mum would've never have kept this!" she laughed, picking up the hideous, orange shirt her dad had got when they went to Australia once.

"I liked that…" Rose answered, absentmindedly fiddling with the hem.

"No you didn't! You used to complain whenever he put it on, and then refuse to leave the house with him until he changed! You only let him get away with wearing it for the week that he got it, and then decided the novelty had run out and told him to throw it away!" Sophie argued, allowing herself a quick laugh at the memory.

Rose took the shirt from her, "Alright then… we'll chuck it," she hovered her hand over the 'throw away' pile, but seemed to think better of it, and placed it back on the 'keep' instead. At Sophie's triumphant glare, Rose changed her mind and placed it on the 'charity' pile instead, "They need it more…" she whispered, still reluctant to let go of the thin material.

Sophie nodded and smiled, picking up an old sock and chucking it onto the 'throw away', "There was only ever one of these anyway!" she laughed. Rose didn't hesitate to join in, her husband only ever did seem to be able to find one sock at a time!

.o0o0o

Eventually, exhausted, Rose and her daughter fell onto the double bed, having finally organised all of the Doctor.2's clothes into three piles 'charity', 'keep' and 'throw away'. It hadn't taken them long to get the piles sorted into what they _wanted_, it was just getting them into piles that were actually _usable_ that was the problem!

Rose looked at her daughter, who was lying, eyes closed on the bed, one of her dad's old jumpers in hand. Overall, they had decided to keep 2 jumpers – that still smelt of him -, the shirt that they had previously argued about - finally agreeing on "It's full of memories" – the jacket he was wearing when he was first stranded in that universe with Rose and the jacket he had worn on his wedding day.

The 'throw away' pile consisted of mostly socks, but had 3 shirts and a few pairs of jeans that were unfit to wear.

The 'charity' pile was the biggest, containing the almost entire wardrobe. Rose had been reluctant to let go of the pair of shoes he wore to their wedding, but Sophie had eventually convinced her that she didn't need them and they would just get in her way.

"Am I really that different?" Rose asked, randomly.

Sophie stirred, pretending to have been sleeping, when really Rose knew perfectly well that her daughter didn't need to sleep at that moment. For one, Rose just knew – a mother knows these things, and for another, she knew that life on the TARDIS knocked your sleeping pattern out of whack a little, and she probably wouldn't need to sleep for a while after sleeping all night last night – on the TARDIS, you just don't need to sleep nearly as much, too much running!

"Yeah… a little… but what d'ya expect? Regeneration without the change? Can't do it…" Rose grinned a bit, when her Doctor had regenerated, Sophie had taken it much better than Rose had, but then again, Rose hadn't had a mum from a different universe who had travelled with the same man only parallel and a dad who was part Time Lord.

"Oh I dunno… the Doctor regenerated once without changing…"

"Get out!" Sophie didn't believe this, regeneration without the change – impossible.

"He did!" Rose insisted, "He used the regeneration energy to heal himself, then booted out the rest into his old hand – regeneration without having to change a cell… except those dead ones… but he only really needed to resuscitate those ones…" Rose trailed off, remembering the day… the day she came back. He had been shot by a Dalek and she had been so afraid she was going to loose him all over again. She didn't think she could've done it. She didn't mind so much that he'd regenerated this time, but before, she just hated the idea of him changing. After all, she had fallen in love with both of them, and she wasn't sure how long he would be able to go before he stopped loving her back. She just couldn't cope with that.

She could still see it, so clearly, the time her Doctor had first regenerated. She had been so scared, she had no idea of what was going on, and the brilliantly bright light making him look like he was exploding didn't help much! Of course, she had learnt to love her new new Doctor the same as she had loved her old one…if not more.

Sophie had been lucky. She had known what would happen thanks to her parents, and her Doctor had been a lot better at explaining what was going on. She couldn't remember exactly what he had said, being to worried about remembering what her parents said to do rather than listening while he told her what she already knew – that he was gunna change… but he'd still be him…- but she knew he wasn't so stupid to say, "I'm not gunna see you again…not with this daft old face… but before I go (input Rose telling him not to talk like that)… Rose listen this is important… before I go I just want to say you were fantastic (input him rambling about him being fantastic too)" and then exploding. No, Sophie's Doctor was a lot better thought out and had _actually_ told her what was going on.

Rose looked at her daughter and smiled, she still had so much to learn… and she couldn't have asked for a better teacher than Sophie had found.

.o0o0o

"Hey…" the Doctor breathed, sneaking into Rose's bedroom to come and sit with the two girls. The look in his eyes clearly said, _if you want me to go, just say it and I'll leave… if you just want to be with Sophie… or even if you want to be on your own, I'll think of something for Sophie to do… all you've gotta do is ask_, Rose grinned, she had forgotten how much one look from the Doctor could say, "Thought you two could do with a nice cup of tea," he placed the tray down on the side and took his off warily, his eyes changing to say _just because I made myself one, doesn't mean I have to stay… I promise I'll go if you prefer… I just fancied a cup while I was making them so…_ Rose shook her head, tearing her eyes from his before she got lost in them and their words. "You alright?"

Rose took her tea and nodded, "I think we're done, actually, could you get us some black bags to put the stuff in?" the Doctor nodded, understanding. _It's not that I don't want you here… it's just that we need some black bags!_ Rose tried to make her eyes say, but she found her pathetic Human eyes incapable of much more than _sorry_. She sighed, _it'll have to do!_

"You alright mum?" Sophie asked, rolling onto her stomach to look at her mother,

"Yeah…" Rose breathed, not convincingly, "Yeah, coarse I am!" she repeated, firmer and more confidently.

"You sure?"

Rose nodded, swallowing her thoughts, "I'm fine baby… you alright?"

Sophie looked away, "I'm not sure…"

"Darling!" Rose instantly had Sophie held to her in a tight embrace. Sometimes, it was good to comfort someone else while your own world is being knocked about, it lets you forget. Rose buried her head in her daughters hair, breathing in her sent, a little like her own and a little like his, with her own twist in it. She used to sit like this for hours when Sophie was young, just holding her tightly and forgetting everything else. When Sophie was just a baby, Rose used to go to her when she needed comfort herself, when the loss got too much for her, she used to just loose herself in her precious baby and she would realise that, although she lost the Doctor and the TARDIS, she had gained so much more. Sophie and her own Doctor became her salvation, they kept her away from the edge, she had to go on, because they needed her.

"It's just… hard… you know… I've just lost my dad, I don't wanna loose you too…" Sophie whispered in between sobs,

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere… I promise… I'm still your mum, and I always will be, no matter what happens, I'm your mum first," Rose pulled away to look at her daughter, "Do you believe me?" she asked. Sophie didn't reply and Rose's grip on her arms increased just slightly, "Sophie, do you believe me?" Sophie nodded and Rose pulled her back into a hug, silently thanking god that she said yes.

The Doctor chose that moment to return, holding a black bag like a trophy in his hands, "You alright?" he asked, pausing at the door when her saw the two women on the bed.

Rose pulled away from her daughter and nodded, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand, "Just when you think there's no more tears left, little buggers keep coming back!" she joked, and the three of them laughed sadly, the Doctor coming over to sit on her other side.

"Ah!" he said, indicating to the three piles of clothes on the floor, then looking at his one black bag, "This might not work as well as I hoped," they laughed again, but it wasn't a proper laugh, more like something to take their minds off the whole thing – that didn't work very well, but they appreciated the effort anyway, "I'll be right back," he almost whispered, giving Rose's hand a squeeze when she looked up at him with eyes that didn't want him to leave.

And then he left, leaving mother and daughter alone with their thoughts.

.o0o0o

"Well that was a job and a half!" Rose declared, falling back on the bed after finally stuffing the last odd sock into the last of the three 'throw away' bags with any space at all.

"It's amazing how many clothes you humans need! I mean, you could clear out the whole of the TARDIS wardrobe, and I bet even she'd have a hard time matching the amount of clothes you humans use in a lifetime!" the Doctor stated, joining Rose on the bed.

"Oh, I dunno, I haven't seen your wardrobe, but on my Doctor's TARDIS there's rather a lot of clothes," Sophie argued, half-heartedly, throwing herself on her mothers other side.

"You think this is bad, you should see my wardrobe!" Rose joked, prodding her Doctor in his side. He let out a mock 'ow' before prodding her right back, "And there is no way the TARDIS has less clothes then _any_ human and you know it!" Rose frowned as if in deep thought before continuing, "Actually, come to think of it, the TARDIS must have more clothes than any species in the entire universe!"

The Doctor faked a scowl, "That's because she has to provide for you fashion-conscious apes with clothes from every time zone on every planet. Is it her fault your fashions change so often?!"

"Is it ours?" Sophie butted in, giving the Doctor a bit of food for thought.

He chewed on that one for a moment, and then said, "Not _yours _personally, I'm sure, but your entire race is mad!"

"And yet you always come back…" Rose pointed out, dreamily.

"Can't get enough of you!" he agreed, prodding her again.

"So…!" the Doctor half-shouted, pulling himself to his feet and offering both girls a hand up, "What do you want doing with this stuff?" he asked gently as they steadied themselves.

"Throw it away," Rose said, indicating to one pile of bags, "Give it to charity," she nodded towards another cluster, "And pass that one here," the Doctor threw her the last bag, it was the only one sat on its own, and he noticed that it was also the most empty.

Sophie frowned slightly at the casual attitude Rose showed in her voice. This was her father and Rose's husband's clothes she was talking about, and Rose was acting like it didn't even matter. Sophie opened her mouth to say something about it, but closed it again at the Doctor's tiny shake of his head as Rose turned her back to put the bag down next to her bed, stating "I'll sort that one out later."

She then walked over to the rest of the bags and picked up one from the 'throw away' pile. The Doctor leaned over and took one too, with Sophie grabbing the last. Then, together, the lugged the bin bags down the stares of the Tyler manor and through the back door, dumping the bags next to the bins out back.

"Someone will come and collect them later," Rose explained briefly, before turning and walking back into the house without another word, leaving Sophie and the Doctor standing in the utility room with her father's old clothes that hadn't been deemed worthy of charity.

The Doctor walked over to Sophie, who was silently crying into her hands. She looked up as he approached and he stopped, unsure of what to do, what to say. Cautiously, he rested a hand on her shoulder, offering comfort if she wanted it. Grateful, Sophie leant into his touch, allowing him to pull her into a gentle hug.

_He's so much like dad_, Sophie thought. Rose had never told her exactly what had happened between her, her dad and her Doctor. Sophie knew the stories about Rose and the Doctor, she knew that her dad remembered the places and the events, but it was unclear that he was actually there. He always spoke from someone else's point of view, almost like the memories weren't his, or someone else had told him. She always imagined the Doctor having told him, and he had remembered the stories, just not who had told him, as he often said things that only the Doctor would've known at the time unless he'd told someone.

_He hugs like dad used to_, Sophie remembered, letting herself imagine, just for a moment, that the Doctor wasn't there at all, and that it was her and her dad, sharing a hug just like they used to when she was little. It had been such a long time since Sophie had felt her fathers arms around her. She knew it must've been hard for her mum, to stay young and watch the man she loved grow old beside her – her Doctor was always talking about it _the curse of the Time Lords_, he called it – but it had been heard on Sophie too, she now looked older than her mum, even if it was just by a few years. She knew she couldn't carry on like this for long, she had always known she would die before her mother, but she had never thought it would be from old age. Sophie was confident she would never live to be old enough to die of old age, but the thought still scared her, that's why she didn't think about it, but if she never died fighting, someday she would have to retune, but to what? To a mother who had watched her husband grow old and die, to a mother who would have to go through it all again with her daughter? It was a poor thought, and that was Sophie was so sure of death. She didn't want to grow old beside her never-aging mother. She didn't want Rose to have to go through it all again, not if there was another way. There were so many planets out there, so many lives, so many things to die for, one day, Sophie knew, she would lay down her life for another, and she wouldn't get away. One day, someone, somewhere, would beat her. And still she wasn't afraid.

"It's alright…" the Doctor whispered, breaking into Sophie's thoughts, "It'll be okay," he was rubbing her back, not intimately, just kindly, like a friend _or a father_ Sophie found herself thinking, but she banished that thought to the back of her mind, _he's not my father!_

Sophie sniffed and pulled away, the Doctor released her instantly, not wanting to push her into anything. She nodded and shook her head a few times, as though trying to clear it of something. When she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand **again**, the Doctor automatically found himself reaching into a pocket and pulling out an unused tissue. He passed it over to Sophie, who took it without a word.

Together, they walked back inside, to find Rose in the kitchen, tears pouring down her face.

.o0o0o

"Oh Rose!" the Doctor declared on seeing her, leaving Sophie in the doorframe he was with her in an instant, holding her close to his chest while she sobbed into his shoulder.

Sophie watched the two of them for a moment – her mother, accepting comfort from the man who showed her the universe, then left her in a different one, and the man himself, holding her like letting go would bring about the end of the world. _They loved each other_, Sophie thought to herself, neither parents made any show of hiding that fact when telling Sophie the stories as she grew up, but now she realised, _they still do!_

She felt tears making their way to her eyes and she fled the room, unable to watch the two people any longer. She would've slammed the door, but there was no door to slam in the kitchen so she had to make do with a silent exit. If she was honest, she doubted they would've noticed even if she _had_ slammed the door on them, they were just too wrapped up in each other.

Throwing herself on her bed, Sophie wondered why the universe-_**s**_hated her. She cried the tears she had never been able to cry, until there was nothing left of her except pure, broken pain. Like she had told her, Sophie had lost her father already, she didn't want to loose her mother as well. Sophie tried to tell herself that she hated her mother, that she wished she had never changed, but she couldn't. She hadn't been able to when her Doctor changed, and now that it was her mother she knew it was not different. She had always understood that, although they were different on the outside and their voices changed a little, as did their personality, both her Doctor and now her mother were the same person, they were still in there, they had just been mixed up a little in the transfer.

That said, Sophie hated her mum for what she was doing. Cuddling up to this man, this man who so obviously wasn't her dad. And her dad wasn't even in his grave. If only he could see them now! Sophie wished more than anything that her father was there, he'd show this newcomer where to go, her dad would tell him where to put his comfort, and his help!

She had to admit, the Doctor made her mum happy, that was obvious, she was so happy, despite being so sad. Sophie supposed it must be confusing for her mum, to have the man she used to love back, just as she should be mourning the man she had loved for the majority of her life.

"Oh Doctor! Come back! I need you!" Sophie called quietly, turning to look out her window as the sun made its way down the sky, falling to great the horizon. Sophie had always loved the horizon, you could never tell what would come over it the next mourning, and it changed, without you noticing, you would never see the same horizon twice. Where the land touched the sea, or sea touched sky, or sky touched land. It was the impossible, where two completely different things met, just for a moment, and the line that normally separates them thins. She loved it because it was the one place the Doctor could never take her to, the one place no-one could be, and still it exists, living on just to be there. There was no reason for a horizon, except to fill in the gaps. You could be anywhere and it would still be there, staring at you, daring you to come closer, but you never could. The impossible. The everywhere. The anything. That was what life was. Just doing something, being somewhere, and having no reason for it. Not having to have a reason for it.

_I'll meet you on the horizon_, it was something her mum had always said, always whispered to herself like a prayer. She didn't know Sophie could hear when she said it, she would whisper it just as the sun touched down, she was waiting for something, something on the horizon. Rose had always said, _the horizon's where it happens, where all the things creation doesn't want you to see goes on. There's life on that horizon, wait long enough and it'll find you_. Sophie had been raised being told nothing was impossible, and through her travels with the Doctor she came to learn that, but the horizon was impossible. She had once told him that, and the Doctor hadn't said anything. Instead, he had taken her by the hand and away in the TARDIS. He hadn't spoken once until they landed and he had taken her outside. She found them standing on a hill, forever stretched out in front of them, only ending when they met the horizon. _Yes_, he had told her_, the horizon's impossible, so is forever. Things that exist only in the way we see them…_ he had said other things, but in time Sophie had forgotten them, it was just that bit that stuck in her mind. Both her parents had said nothing was impossible, but they never spoke of forever. They said they would spend a lifetime together, they had been doing things for a lifetime, it felt like they hadn't seen someone since a lifetime, always a lifetime, never forever.

_Forever's impossible_, Sophie thought, moving to stand by the window, opening it so the cold wind could blow across her face, playing games with a strand of hair that had escaped from the ponytail she had it in and was now floating around, making patterns in front of her eyes. She sighed, tucking the hair back behind her eyes.

She loved the view from her bedroom window; high enough up not to be restrained by the extensive garden, yet low enough for her to be able to make out exactly who it was walking hand in hand down the path leading to the fountain at the bottom. She could see forever, all the was to the horizon from her bedroom window, and her mother's room offered the same.

Sophie moved to unlatch the lock on the French doors leading out of her room and walked onto the balcony. This was strictly her area, her parents had never come out onto this balcony and there was a curtain covering the glass doors so people couldn't even see when she was out there. She sighed again, slipping to sit on one of the three deck chairs she had out there. Sophie hadn't been on her balcony in ages. Then again, she hadn't been home in a while. She had only been coming for short visits each time when her dad fell ill, and she never went home with her mother after, always leaving with the Doctor, back to the TARDIS, which was always parked just round the back of the small hospital her dad stayed in. They never stayed for long. Her parents had always been fine with that though, they had always let the Doctor lead Sophie off when she was ready to go. They had always been like that, they had never held her back. _There's a whole universe of impossible for you to see_, they had always said, she almost regretted leaving now. She wished she had stayed with them for longer. She should've been there, when he died, instead she had been _seeing impossible_. _Well, was it worth it?_ A voice in the back of her head asked, full of spite.

"Yes," Sophie whispered, firmly. She didn't regret one second she spent with the Doctor, even if it meant missing her father's passing. _I was there when he needed me_, she thought, she hoped. Neither parent had tried to hold her back when it was time to go, but both had been happy when she returned.

_I'll always come back_, Sophie had told them after her first trip in the TARDIS – the Doctor had miss-calculated and instead of being away for just a night like he had planned, she had been missing for 6 months. _I know_, Rose had told her, _I trust you_. Her dad had nodded and then shook the Doctor's hand, telling him to look after her, and to show her everything the universe could offer them.

She watched as the Doctor pointed to something in the sky and her mother followed his hand, gazing up at the darkening sky, their hands still linked. Her mother laughed at something he said and the Doctor turned to face her, he whispered something, his head bowed and Rose replied loudly, the anger in her voice carrying to Sophie on her balcony. Rose turned and walked away from him, the Doctor chasing after her. He caught her hand and whispered something else, Rose shook her head and the Doctor shouted in exasperation.

Deciding she'd seen enough, Sophie moved from her place leaning on the railing surrounding the balcony and walked back inside, hugging her arms around her in an attempt to shelter from the cold that seemed to have sneaked up at her. She idly congratulated it, not a lot could sneak up on her these days, and pulled the door tightly shut behind her, relocking it as she welcomed the warmth spreading through her body. Somewhere below her she could hear shouting, but it was a big house and what was being said was wasted on her tired ears. Slipping into bed, Sophie let her mind wonder to the bags still in her parents room, they would get rid of them…and then what? How long before her father faded from their lives, lost and forgotten? And how long could she remain in the stars, before she slipped and fell…with no Doctor to catch her?

All this wafted around her head as Sophie slipped into a dream and forgot, just for a moment, everything that was happening, was happening to her.

.o0o0o

Rose left the utility room, she couldn't stand in there for any longer, not with her husbands clothes staring her in the face, the clothes she couldn't keep. Soon, they would be gone, and she would loose that bit more of him.

So she had left, she had walked away. Just like the Doctor taught her to. Walk away because it's too hard to say goodbye. It's too hard to watch them age… to watch them die. She had always thought she understood when the Doctor spoke about the 'curse of the Time Lords', but now she realised that she didn't know squat. She had been young and 19 and naïve. Now she knew. Now she knew what it was like. _You could spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't live the rest of mine with you_, that's why he always walked away, that's why she now too, had to walk away. She had stayed with him, she had held his hand as life left the man she loved, but it was hard now. Everyday was harder than the last and she couldn't do it for much longer.

Rose had walked into the kitchen, not really aware of where she was going. She had left Sophie and the Doctor in the utility room, but that was only a background thought to her, she was better off alone. She was meant to be alone. Like he was alone. It didn't matter where she was, it didn't matter what adoring and sorry friends of family she had around her, she was alone. Completely alone. And there was nothing anyone could do to help.

She had stopped by the bench when she realised she could go no further and let the tears that were swelling in her eyes fall. Rose didn't know how long she stood like that, with her pain and sorrow flowing through her tears. A little, wet drop falling on the marble bench for every time it hurt; one for every time he hadn't been able to help her; one for every time she had wanted to give up; one for every life she couldn't save; one for every friend she had lost; one for all the time she had woken up thinking it would all be alright, and then remembered; one for all the times she cried and one for all the times she couldn't.

Something had made her look up, just in time to see her daughter come into the doorway, the Doctor holding her hand gently. She had been numbly aware of Sophie running out the room as the Doctor's arms wrapped themselves around her, holding her tight, protecting her from all the thoughts running around her head. She had lost herself in that hug, just because she could. Just because she hadn't felt safety like this since her Doctor.2 had left her in that hospital room.

Only once Rose had cried all the tears she had left to cry did the Doctor let her go, and even then, he kept a tight grip on her hand. Rose had let him lead her to one of the bar stools on the other side of the bench, and she had listened while he talked.

He talked about anything. everything. And Rose sat without really listening.

"I know it's hard… it's always hard…" the Doctor said, and Rose realised that she was paying attention now, her thoughts having run out. She supposed he had timed that brilliantly, so that she could be thinking while he rambled on, and then he would say important stuff once her mind had settled a little. He was rather good like that this time round, when Rose had last seen him, he had been entirely clueless, but this time, he seemed to understand much better. She realised that he must've known all these little tricks since the day she had first met him, he had just never used him. It was nice to see this side of her Doctor for once, rather then the shell he used to be. She knew what the Davros had said, all that time ago, was true, _never looking back because you dare not_, he may have been twisted, but he was right.

Yet still, there he was, the Doctor, not only looking back but **coming** back! For her! His life had been twisted and painful, and goodbyes were few, but he came back for her. At the end of it all, he always came back.

"Tell me about them… tell me about Gallifrey…" Rose asked, not realising what she had said before the words were already out of her mouth and it was too late, "That is… if you don't mind…" she rushed, trying to right what she said, she knew it was too late to take back her request, but she could make it obvious that he didn't have to tell her if he didn't want to… if he found it too painful.

"I don't know where to start!" he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck with his spare hand, Rose laughed sympathetically and the Doctor shook his head, "It was beautiful," he finally decided on. Rose smiled and gave his hand a comforting squeeze, "The two suns would set in the West, shading the orange sky to a burnt amber. The sliver leaves on the trees would turn in the wind to catch the last rays of sun before the day ended… the entire planet enclosed in a glass dome, sworn to watch, never to interfere… beaming down for all eternity…" Rose watched as the Doctor closed his eyes and leant back in his seat, loosing himself in the memory. Images and scenes flew past her eyes as Rose listened, spellbound, to his words. The Doctor described it all so beautifully, Rose felt as if she had seen it all with her own eyes. When he described his family, Rose found her eyes damp with the tears she wanted to cry for him, but could never let go of.

"Still… Gone now," he said, coming back to the present. Rose gave his hand another squeeze.

"Show me?" she asked, and he pulled her to her feet, still half lost in the memory of his home planet.

Rose followed him down the garden, adjusting their path on occasion so they would end up by the fountain. As they walked he told her stories, stories of his childhood, she had heard a few of them before, from her husband, but it wasn't the same as hearing them from his mouth. All the colours and smells and sounds rushed to meet her as the Doctor took her back to Gallifrey, back to his childhood.

They slowed as the sound of water reached their ears, and the Doctor's grip on her hand increased slightly. Rose looked up at him and smiled, but her smile was wasted, the Doctor's eyes were filled with memories of lost times. Moments of the past that he hadn't thought about for years where being relived in his mind… and he was taking Rose with him, capturing her with his words, like lyrics in a song. Rose closed her eyes and let his words crash over her, carrying her away from Earth, away from her own pain, and towards something better. Cuz that's what stories do, they let you live someone else's memories, someone else's thoughts, their hopes, their dreams. Stories let you forget, just for a while, but a while was all Rose Tyler needed.

The Doctor's words faded away and the two of them found themselves floating back to Earth, back to the nightfall.

"We'll have to wait for a while… just until the sun goes down… and the I'll show you… there's a gap, you see, it's only tiny, but there's a gap where Gallifrey should sit… the war may be Time Locked, but you can still see where it should be… nothing exists there now… nothing can…" Rose looked up at him, and found him already looking at her, she smiled sadly and turned back to watch the fountain as it caught the last rays of sun, issuing a red-gold glow that looked like it came from the water itself.

She had stood here, with her other Doctor, on the first night they had arrived here after being abandoned in Norway. She had told him how, when she first got trapped here, she had stood in that spot every night, watching the water swallow up the last of the sunlight. She had told him how she loved the way the water held that light for at least 10 seconds after the sun had dipped below the horizon and the sky had been left in darkness. She had told him that it kept the light until the first star was visible in the sky, making look almost like the water took the light from the sun and used it to light up that first star. She had told him about the horizon, and how she would always be waiting there, waiting for the impossible to come and take her away. She then told him that he was impossible and then he had kissed her, telling her he would always be on the horizon if she needed him and he wasn't there. Then he told her that what he had just told her was a stupid thing to say and when she had asked why he had kissed her again, whispering, _I'll always be there_.

But tonight she didn't say anything. She didn't tell him why she loved this place. She didn't tell him that she used to sit on the bench just round the other side of the fountain for hours, waiting for him to come and find her. She didn't tell him how she always used to look to the horizon and imagine him coming for her. She didn't tell him she would always wait for him, and he didn't kiss her and tell her she didn't have to wait. They both just stood there, watching the water catch the sun, and didn't say anything.

Somehow, Rose had known it would be like this. She had known, if he ever came back for her, she wouldn't tell him how she waited. How she would always wait.

"Look there," he whispered, pointing to the sky with his left hand, "Just there, you see?" Rose followed the direction his finger was pointing and squinted into the sky, watching as one by one more stars began to appear. She didn't tell him about the time she stood here at midnight and watched them go out, "There's a space, just between those five stars… that's where Gallifrey should be… that's where I came from… that's little gap in the sky… just rocks and dust now…" Rose looked up at him and wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Where did that come from and who put it there?!" he cried, looking around, mock-startled as Rose showed him the glistening tear resting on her finger. They laughed gently and Rose wiped her hand on her jeans, using her other to squeeze the Doctor's tightly. The Doctor bent his head and whispered something Rose couldn't hear, she frowned and moved closer to him.

"Sorry, missed that…" she whispered.

"I missed you," he whispered only slightly louder, "I wish I never left you here…"

"Then why did you?!" Rose shouted at only half the volume she was shouting in her head, "You didn't _have_ to leave me here! You could've taken me with you! Me _and_ him! You didn't have to make us stay!" Rose pulled away from him, lurching her hand out of his. Without a second glance, she turned and ran up the garden. She only got a few steps, however, when a familiar hand grabbed hers and turned her to face him,

"I didn't want to leave you, I just… had to…" he tried to explain, his eyes crying out for forgiveness.

"Look at me, Doctor, look at me…" she took two steps back from him and spread her arms out wide, "I don't belong here. This is the _wrong _universe! And it always was, always, before the reality bomb was even thought of, this has been wrong! It was wrong for both of us, me and him… we, I, don't belong here!" her voice was heating up again, but she softened it as she continued, "I don't belong here," he moved to take her hand, or to pull her into a hug, but she stepped back again, stepped away, "You left us here… he wasn't a threat to anyone, but you still left us… And I've only got one thing to ask you now… if you wish you never left me here so badly, then why did you?"

The Doctor looked to the ground for a moment, as if it held the answer. He couldn't say that it was because the other him committed genocide, because he knew that she would call him on the fact that he himself had committed genocide, and he was sure she knew about her own act, even though she had been possessed by the Bad Wolf at that point. He took a deep breath, he would have to tell her, "Because…" his voice failed him for a moment and he had to swallow a few times before he could continue, "because I loved you," he gushed. It was said so fast, Rose couldn't be sure she heard him, she shook her head and then asked in a tiny voice,

"If you loved me, then why did you leave me?"

"Because one day, I knew I would have to loose you again, and I couldn't bare that. I knew that one day I would have to loose you… at least this way you had someone… you had the forever I always wanted to give you, but never could…" he closed his eyes as tears came to them, only opening them again when the tears had been successfully pushed down. Rose was looking at him, a strange expression on her face as she watched him swallow and breath, waiting for her reply.

"What forever?" she asked, running inside. This time, he didn't try to stop her, he just watched her leave, useless thoughts bellowing in his head. In the distance, he heard the door slam shut and then began to follow Rose up the path back towards the house, wishing more than anything he hadn't said a word.

A shooting star flew behind him, but the Doctor was already inside, waiting for his Rose.


	4. After

**okay, sorry about the wait. i kept thinking there was more that i could put on this chapter, but then i realised it doesn't need to be any longer! :P**

**bit of an angsty piece this time, but then again, so was the last!**

**you may have heard by now, but in case you haven't, i will warn you now, the next chapter may be a bit delayed as my laptop internet is going mad and i have managed to loose my USB pen! so i appologise about that, but i will still be trying to get chapters uploaded as often as i can!**

**please REVIEW! thanks! enjoy! x**

* * *

"Rose?… Rose?…" the Doctor called, walking slowly through the house after her, "Rose come on!" eventually he found her curled up in a little ball on one of the sofa's in the large lounge, "Oh Rose!" the Doctor walked over to her and sat down on the sofa by her side, "Rose, I'm sorry," he whispered, his head hung low.

If Rose heard him, she made no sign. The Doctor sighed and slipped his arm around the back of Rose's chair, almost, but not quite, brushing the skin on the back of her neck. Rose's new body tightened slightly, but she didn't move away from him, and the Doctor took this as a good sign, "I didn't mean…it's just… I missed you Rose, I shouldn't have left you here," he finally forced out, at last making the words do his bidding – at least for a little.

Rose tightened at his words, and then stood up, bringing herself to her full height (she was quite a bit taller than she used to be in this new regeneration), the Doctor looked at her, quite calm considering what was going through his head at that moment.

"How dare you?!" she whispered, her voice hard, "I've lived here for more than 60 years of my life. I've been married and have had a daughter… I've watched my mother and my father grow old and die… and I have had a _fantastic_ life doing things I once thought I never could… and you come here and wish you'd never left me here…"

"I didn't… I didn't mean like that!" the Doctor gushed, standing up as well.

"My husband _died_ Doctor! Just like my mum and just like Pete! And I had to watch!" tears began to fall down Rose's soft cheeks,

"I'm sorry," he whispered, trying to make up for the harshness in which Rose had taken his words. As the tears continued to fall, the Doctor wanted nothing more than to reach out to her, to wipe those tears away, but he didn't. He knew she wouldn't thank him for it.

"You're sorry…" she repeated, turning away from his unfamiliar form, "What are you sorry for, eh, Doctor? You sorry that he's dead? You sorry that I'm alive? You sorry that I regenerated? Cuz I am. I don't want this! I don't want to live! I want to die! I want to be with him! The curse of the Time Lords? Well, you can take it back! It's not worth it! It's not… it's not worth it…" she trailed off, tears coming back to her eyes. The Doctor moved towards her but she stepped back, away from him, "It's not worth it," and then she turned and ran out of the room, leaving a confused Doctor wondering what he had done now.

.o0o0o

"Rose, please!" he stood at the bottom of the stairs, unsure whether or not to follow her up to her room or to stay at the bottom of the house.

"No, Doctor! Just go! I know it's hurting you to be here, and I don't want you here anyway!" Rose yelled down at him, slamming her bedroom door like a teenager. He winced as the door hitting the frame wafted down to him. He didn't say a word after that, he just turned and walked out of the house, pausing slightly as he reached the end of the long driveway and looking up to the grand house. If he squinted, he was sure he could just make out a tall, slim, brunette figure, standing by her bedroom window, watching him go. He nodded to the form that he knew must be Rose before turning and letting himself out, walking away from the closest he had ever got to a family since Gallifrey.

.o0o0o

Rose slammed the door, confident that he would be able to hear her from his place by the stairs. After that, she threw herself on the bed, her pillow over her ears. She was acting like a stroppy teenager and she felt like one too.

From far away, Rose heard the front door open and close and she knew it was the Doctor. He didn't slam it, he had just opened and closed it, as if in defeat. Leaving her bed, Rose rushed to her window, looking out over the driveway of the extensive Tyler mansion. From a distance, she saw the Doctor unlock the gate and step out into the road. She watched as he looked back up to the house, and she could swear he looked straight at her. He bowed his head, just slightly, acknowledging her and then he was gone, and Rose was left staring out at him, as though she couldn't quite believe he had just walked away.

.o0o0o

Groggily, Rose reached over to her bedside table, her fingers searching the space, running them around her lamp and over the digital, glow-in-the-dark alarm clock. Nothing. He wasn't up yet.

Keeping her eyes tightly closed, Rose rolled onto her other side, "Babes, I'll love you forever if you get me a cup of tea." She poked the space next to her on the large, king-sized bed.

After that she lay still, waiting for a familiar _you don't love me already?!_ or a _forever's a long time, you sure you wanna waste it all on a cuppa tea?_ or something along those lines, but nothing came. No voice. No sharp poke in the ribs. No stupid joke mumbled through lips still half asleep. Nothing.

Slowly, Rose opened her eyes and allowed herself access to the cold truth. He wasn't there. And he never would be there. Ever. Again.

She shut her eyes quickly, but not quickly enough. The sunlight burned through her scrunched up lids, and, even as she put her head furiously under the pillow, holding it tight to her ears, snippets of bird-song still managed to break into her hollow or despair, trying with all its might to pull her out of her reverie.

Rose shook her head harshly, willing thoughts and memories out. She stretched, but not all the way. Somehow, she managed not to let any of her limbs slip onto his side. _If I don't touch him_, she thought desperately, _he'll be here when I open my eyes._ Cautiously, she peeked through one, little eye, taking in the empty space next to her. In her head, she howled like a wolf when she realised there was no-one.

"Mum?" a little voice broke into Rose's thoughts, "Mum, are you awake?"

Rose considered not answering for a moment, just pretending to be asleep, but her daughter's unsure presence by the door and last night's memories fresh in her head made her answer, "I'm getting there."

Sophie smiled and came to sit on the edge of her mum's bed, fiddling with the duvet as she did so, "You and the Doctor fought last night." It wasn't a question.

Rose nodded, she didn't trust herself to speak.

"What happened?"

"…I think he left," it wasn't the answer Sophie had been looking for, and Rose knew it, but to Rose, this fact was far more important. _He left you. He left you_. The words were tapping out a tattoo on her skull. _He came back for you, but you sent him away. He's gone. He's gone. He's left you. He's not coming back._ Rose buried her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry." _Sorry for what? Why is everyone always sorry?_

"Me too."

And that was that.

.o0o0o

"He's not coming back, is he?" Sophie asked as she was finishing her beans-on-toast-breakfast and Rose was washing up her own cereal.

Suddenly, Rose threw the bowl she had just cleaned at the wall, allowing it to bounce and smash on the harsh, unforgiving, tiled floor, scattering millions of tiny pieces across the kitchen.

Both women just stood and sat there for what felt like an eternity, just staring at the pieces of smashed china that had once been a beautiful, blue bowl.

Eventually, Rose tore her gaze away from the segments to look at her daughter, who was already looking at her, knowing without Rose having to say it, what was coming next.

"I'm sorry," Rose whispered, "I can't loose him again," and then she was running out the room, pausing only for a second to grab her keys as she disappeared down the drive, only one thought on her mind – _TARIDS_.

.o0o0o

Still in some kind of shock, Sophie watched as her mum fled the room. Last night, the idea of a new Doctor confused and scared her, but now, she realised her mother needed this. Needed him.

So she didn't try to stop her. In fact, Sophie didn't even rise from her chair as her mum flew past the kitchen window and down the drive.

Only once Rose had completely vanished from view did Sophie stand. Slowly, as if in a dream, Sophie walked over to the cupboard and fished out a dustpan and brush and began to clear up the mess of china. _As if in a dream_, she thought to herself, _maybe I'm still in one_.

.o0o0o

By the time Rose got to the hospital, she was a mess, she could barely tell up from down and the only thing running through her head was _Doctor_. She skidded to a walk as she made her way into reception, but didn't pause. She kept walking towards the ward she knew the TARDIS to be in. The ward her husband died in.

"Hello, can I help you?" a large man came up to Rose as she made to walk through the double doors out of reception and into the main hospital.

"Um, yes, I'm looking for the Doctor… is he still here? Please tell me he's still here," Rose gushed, without really thinking about what she was saying.

"Um, I'm sure he'll still be here, why don't you come with me?" he took her by the arm and gently lead her towards the main desk, "Which doctor did you want, and I'll ask behind the desk to check if he's here," at Rose's blank expression, he tried again, "What's his name?"

Rose shook her head, as if waking from a dream, "Sorry. Sorry. It's just… my husband died here, and I was wondering if I could go and see the room he died in…" she brought her hands up to her head and rested them there, sobbing gently.

"There, there, it's alright," the man said, somewhat a little awkward in the presence of someone who had lost so much, "The good always die young, so they say… what was it he died of?"

"Well, he was getting on quite old, but it was the cancer that got him in the end," Rose told him, deciding she may as well be honest with the bloke. He looked slightly taken aback when Rose mentioned old age, but she had come to expect that by now, after all, she still looked only around her mid-30s and she had spent most of her life looking 21.

"Well… um… yes…" he stuttered, unsure what to say to this young, heart broken girl, who's husband must've been WAY older than her. _He'd be surprised_, Rose thought to herself, hiding a grin successfully, and she considered telling him that old age nearly had her, _I wonder what he would've said then_, she thought, "Of course, you can go right ahead… if you just give me the number of the ward and I'll check that no-one's in it. Would be terrible if you walked in to find another bloke dying in the same bed, now, wouldn't it?!" he chuckled slightly to himself, and then, seeing Rose's expression, he realised what he had just said and sobered instantly, "No, no, of course not, that, that wasn't funny, no."

Rose had to try really hard not to show the grin that was tempting the muscles around her mouth as she noted the man's obvious discomfort and embarrassment. _I wonder why he works here_, Rose thought as she gave him the number of the ward her husband had spent his last hours in, _when death obviously causes him such pain_.

"My mother died here. I wanted to give something back to the place that took such good care of her in her final moments," he explained, as if hearing her thoughts, "There, no-one's in it. The room should be unlocked, but just in case…" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a large key, which he handed to Rose.

She thanked him, and told him she was sorry to hear about his mother, something he deflected with a wave of his hand, "It was a long time ago, don't be sorry," Rose smiled then, and patted his arm gently. She wished she could feel that way about her Doctor, but she knew it would be a while before that sort of thinking came to her.

Then she turned, and moved on down the long room, pushing open the doors and stepping into the corridor.

Oh, so many times had she walked through those doors, each time wondering if it would be her last, each time hoping that the next, he would be with her. But this time, it really would be the last, she couldn't come here again. She couldn't live her life in the past, filling her head with memories of how things used to be. She had to move on. But first, she had to go back.

.o0o0o

He twisted the final dial and the TARDIS beeped at him, unimpressed. _You're giving up too soon_, she said, _you've come all this way, and now you're giving up?!_

"I have no choice," he spoke out loud, although the words didn't really need to leave his head for his ship to hear them, but for some reason, today he needed the comfort of sound, "She doesn't want me, why would she? When she's had a life with him…" the TARDIS continued to hum, _don't leave it like this, she needs time, all she needs is time_.

"But that's just it, isn't it? I can't give her time. That's always been our downfall. I'm a Time Lord without enough time. And I've got to lat her go someday…" _does that day have to be today?_ The Doctor bowed his head, he couldn't answer that one, "You already know…" and then he returned to his machine, making the finishing touches so she could get them through the void. He had waited all last night and most of today, putting off leaving as long as he possibly could, always hoping she would come. But now he couldn't delay any longer, there was only so much he could find to fix on a ship as brilliant and as amazing as his, and he had run out. Once, the TARDIS would make parts of herself break, just so he had stuff to fiddle with when he was upset, but not anymore. She couldn't carry on like that, and one day, the Doctor would have to face up to his thoughts rather than burry them at the bottom of the TARDIS, along with wires and memories he no longer wanted.

The TARDIS hummed, _all ready_, she told him, _are you?_ his fingers hovered over the button that would take them home. Back to their universe. It was a mistake to come here in the first place. He knew it would just hurt him, but he had wanted to say goodbye. Now he had to leave. Forever. And this time, there would be no, _forever is impossible, there's always a way_, this was the last chance. The last time the walls of the bridge could open. This time it really would be goodbye forever.

But was he ready?…

.o0o0o

_Please let it still be there, please let it still be there!_ Rose raced around a corner, nearly knocking over a trolley filled with food for the patents that was being wheeled by a nurse along the corridor. She just had time to shout a quick "sorry!" over her shoulder before she rounded the next. Moving faster than she had done for years.

_Please let it be there, I don't know _what_ I'll do if it's not there…_ she pushed open the door, slowing herself down as she turned into the ward she was moving towards. She slowly walked down, his bed and the TARDIS were right at the end. She paused as she past his bed, a tear slipping from her eye as she remembered her husbands last words to her '_we love you_'. _We_.

She trailed her finger along his crisp, white bed sheets. _Are they the same ones?_ she wondered. She sat down next to the bed, in the very same chair she had sat in as her Doctor had died. She closed her eyes half way, squinting through the light, she found, if she turned her head partly around and kept her eyes exactly half way she could just about imagine her husband, still lying there, still insisting he was fine and everyone was just making a big fuss over nothing.

She remembered what he had said when Sophie had first come to visit him there, "Oh my god!" he had declared, as Sophie had walked in, clutching the hand of her own Doctor tightly, "Sophie _and_ the Doctor! I must be ill!" Rose had laughed at that, but Sophie and her Doctor had remained quiet. Sophie had gone over to her father and crouched next to him,

"You be strong now dad, you fight it… I know you can beat this!" and then she had turned to Rose and declared, "It's not fair!"

Rose had held her close and whispered, "I know," but she knew it for a different reason. 83, looking 21, and he husband was dying.

Something blue in the corner of her eye brought Rose back to the present. _The TARDIS_.

She rose from her place by the bed, and slowly made her way to the very end of the corridor. When she reached it, she stretched out a nervous hand and rested it on the cool, blue wood. The TARDIS seemed aggravated about something, and it was vibrating slightly against Rose's touch. Rose leant forward and pressed her cheek against the ship, breathing in the smell that she could find nowhere else in the universe than lingering on the outside of the TARDIS.

The TARIDS hummed angrily and Rose quickly moved away. Slowly, she moved over to the door, her fingers fiddling with the small key on a chain around her neck. _Now Rose, do it, quickly!_ Rose started as a calm, female voice intruded her mind, but she didn't pause to think about it. In one fluent movement she snapped the thin chain around her neck and whipped the key into the hole. It fitted same as always, and Rose found herself releasing a breath she hadn't realised she had been holding.

_Good, good, now open the door!_ the voice was in her head again, but this time, Rose knew who it belonged to. The TARDIS had spoken to her before, after all. But this was the clearest the machine had ever been.

Rose closed her eyes and twisted the key in the lock, pushing the door open.

"Doctor…" she breathed. He looked up, startled, as Rose flung herself into the open room of the TARDIS control centre. He didn't even stop and think about it before he was running towards her and she was in his arms, "I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling herself even tighter into the embrace.

Reluctantly, the Doctor set her back on the ground and held her at arms length, "Don't be sorry, Rose, you've had it tough. Things that should never have happened to anyone have happened to you, and I am so sorry," he wished he could make it better with those words. Wished he could take away all her pain just by apologising for it having happened to her in the first place. It was his fault. All his fault. And there was nothing he could do about it. Not now.

"I thought you were going to leave," she whispered, strands of pale-brunette hair falling in her eyes. He reached forward and brushed them back behind her ear.

"No," he replied, pulling her into him for another hug. Casting a guilty look over his shoulder where the TARDIS controls were all set and ready to return him to his universe, in scarcely even a whisper, he added, "Not yet…" he lifted Rose's head to look at him, "Cuppa tea?" he offered, and smiled when she nodded.

.o0o0o

"There was one gap… Well, it wasn't really a gap – more like a tiny split, in the universe. It was just minuscule, a little, insignificant, diminutive scratch on the surface of reality. Brilliant! Impossible to spot, unless you're as clever as me of course, so it posed absolutely no danger at all. Not even air could get through it!"

"But you did?" Rose pointed out, making the Doctor pause in his explanation.

"I always knew it was there. Even with the universal retro closure, these two universes were just to wrapped up in the other's destiny that it wouldn't be possible for them to close completely," he paused, a huge grin on his face, "But I knew it was there! I always planned to come back, you know. I just… didn't know when," his grin faded slightly, "And then I realised. I could only come back once. Sure, if I came back I could stay, with no damage to either universe, but as soon as I left, that would be it. Cuz I had to open the gap, I had to make it big enough for me and the TARDIS to pass safely through, and there was no way I could do that at the size it was! But it means, that when I leave, I'm gone. Forever. And this time, there'll be no second chances. No impossible. It really will be. The end."

Rose stopped listening as the Doctor rambled on, and she was pretty sure he was aware of this. _He was going to go_, she thought. She knew. _He would've left me. Without even saying goodbye_.

"I wouldn't left," he said, softly, as though reading her mind, "Yes, I had the settings ready to leave, but I wouldn't have gone without saying goodbye."

Rose blinked back tears while the Doctor pulled her into a hug. They were hugging a lot these days, _but_, she supposed,_ after what we've been through, it's not that unreasonable. Not really._

"We should go… I left Sophie on her own and _god knows_ what she could get up to!" the Doctor nodded slowly.

"Are you okay, though? I mean, I don't have to be there, I can wait, in the TARDIS, if you prefer. If you would rather be on your own with Sophie for a little?" he offered, knocking Rose's broken smile a little.

"You're always welcome at the Tyler mansion," she replied, her smile returning, "You never know when you could need a doctor!" he grinned and pulled her into another hug, "I missed you," she whispered into his chest. The Doctor pretended not to hear, but inside, he was sure his hearts were breaking.


	5. Plans

**well, here you go! again, a bit more of a wait than i had planned, i've just been struggling to find time to actually get this up here, dispite the fact that it's been finished for AGES now!**

**i was gonna originally make this longer... but i wanted the funeral in a seperate chapter to the rest, so i thought that ending it where i did was the best thing.**

**the next chapter is actaully already writen, but, like this, depending on my overload of homework and other stuff i need to get done, i don't know how long it will be until i can get it up on here! so, i appologise in advance if it's a long time between this chapter and the next!**

**once again, a huge thank you to everyone who's reviewed / alerted / favourited this! so glad you're all enjoying so far!  
please keep reviewing, as i ask of you in every chapter! it means so much!**

**also, please let me know how i'm doing with this, as i am fortunate enough not to have ever had to organise a funeral, so hopefully my guesses at how it's done are -nearly- right. as well as this, i'm plannig on doing a non-christian funeral - for obvious reasons - so, if anyone has any infomation on how one of these funerals actually works, that would be a HUGE help!  
hehe, sorry, i'm a bit hopeless lol!**

**anyway... enjoy, review, help, whatever you like! x**

* * *

"Sophie? Are you there?" Rose pocketed her key as she and the Doctor stepped through the large doors into the house. The Doctor pulled the door closed behind them and turned to scan the huge entrance hall for signs of Rose's young daughter.

"I'm in the lounge mum!" came the reply. Cautiously, Rose stepped into the lounge to find Sophie sat on the sofa looking at a large, leather bound book, full of photos. She looked up as her mum came into the room, "Did you find him…?" she trailed off as the Doctor came into the room. She gave him a forced smile before turning back to the book and stroking one of the pictures fondly. Rose frowned slightly and came to sit on the arm of the chair Sophie was slouched in. she trailed a finger across the image on the page by Sophie's own, and sighed lightly.

"Doctor, come 'ere," Rose beckoned to the man who was still standing in the doorway, looking rather like he shouldn't be there at all. At Rose's words, however, he moved across the room to look over his friends' shoulders, "Look there," Rose pointed to the picture she had been captivated by, and the Doctor found himself suddenly lacking in air.

The picture showed a tall, brunette man with his arm around a blond woman, around 30 years old, who was holding in her arms a beautiful baby girl, with wisps of dark blond hair adorning her head. The baby's dark brown eyes looked up at the camera with the kind of pure innocence and willingness to lean that Rose herself showed every time the Doctor showed her anything new. Both the man and the woman were grinning their heads off, not a care in the world. The picture next to it was the same scene, but in this one, the man's head was bent down to the woman, kissing her lightly on the cheek, his hand under hers, supporting the new-born Sophie. In both pictures, Rose was absolutely glowing, and anyone looking at the picture would never know the dark past the couple had come from.

Rose lent her head against the Doctor, her eyes never leaving the photo. At her touch, the Doctor slowly slipped his arms loosely around her neck, holding her gently to her. He knew it was a pretty intimate thing to do, but at that moment he didn't much care.

Absentmindedly, Sophie turned the page. One of the pictures on this page showed the other Doctor lying on his and Rose's large, white bed, his arm around the half-asleep Rose next to him. His other hand was resting on her oversized stomach, a proud, and slightly tired, smile adorned his face as he looked down at his almost-sleeping wife.

"They're not in order," Rose whispered, unnecessarily, a hint of a smile in her voice and on her face. The Doctor looked at her, her newly-brunette hair had fallen over her eyes, and he longed to brush it behind her ear, but he didn't dare. Instead, he smiled at her comment and went back to looking at the pictures.

Near the picture of the two of them on the bed was an even earlier picture Rose sat on the very chair they were all gathered around now. She wasn't smiling, but you could tell she was happy just by the way she was. She was looking up at the man behind her, who's arms were draped lightly around her, and he was gazing lovingly back down at her. Next to that, there was a picture that had obviously been taken shortly after they had returned from their honeymoon, obvious because both skins were a lovely brown colour and they were standing in front of a white convertible, waving their ringed fingers at the camera. Somewhere at the bottom of the page there was a picture of Rose standing with a woman who looked just like her only older. On the other side of her was a tall, ginger man, easily recognisable as Jackie and Pete. In front of Rose was a young child, aged around 8 or 9. There was no sign of the Doctor's double ganger, so he must've been the one elected to take the photo. The three females were dressed in beautiful dresses and Pete was wearing a black suit, so the Doctor could tell it must've been a fairly important occasion when the photo had been taken.

It was a think book, and the Doctor could already tell that every page would be filled up with moments like these. Happy times forever frozen on the paper. Slipping the book from her daughter's fingers, Rose flicked to the last page and the Doctor was sure one of his hearts stopped. There was only one photo on the page, and it was almost more than the Doctor could bare. In pride of place in the very centre was a picture of him. Standing next to Rose, in front of the TARDIS, both caked in mud, laughing their heads off. He couldn't remember when it had been taken, but by their expressions, it was before Canary Warf. Slowly and carefully, the Doctor moved his arms from Rose's neck. Quietly, he excused himself from the room and stood just outside the room, his head resting on the wooden frame.

It was just… too much. So many memories. He never had been any good at domestic, and now he knew why. He should've realised there would be a picture of him in there somewhere, he had just forgotten… He had forgotten how happy he had once been. How hard it had been to let her go.

He heard them rustling around in the living room and knew they wouldn't be long following him out. Rose would want to know if he was alright. Making a quick decision, the Doctor turned and moved towards the kitchen, he needed a cup of tea anyway.

.o0o0o

"Sophie, why don't you go and see what the Doctor's got himself up to?" Rose offered, giving Sophie a clear cue to leave the room. Getting the hint, Rose's daughter got up from her place on the chair, passed the photo album to her mother, and walked out of the room. She had not intention of finding the Doctor, not for a bit at least, she needed some air. Tactfully, Sophie pulled the door to as she left, giving her mum some privacy.

Rose watched her daughter wonder out of the room, the book loosely in her hands. Sighing, she threw herself onto the large sofa, dropping the album next to her. She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed gently, as if she was trying to wake herself up from a dream, but she just didn't have the energy to do much more than that.

With a shaking hand, Rose pulled the phone off it's hook beside her. She just sat there for a while, looking at it, debating whether or not she was actually going to do this. Then, taking a deep breath, she tapped in the number for the funeral agency.

.o0o0o

"Um, hello, my name is Rose Tyler, I'm Alonzo Tyler's wife. I was just calling about his funeral arrangements…." The Doctor paused as he reached the door to the sitting room, holding two cups of tea in his hands – he had already seen Sophie when she walked through the kitchen to go out into the garden, and had told her that hers was on the bench if and when she wants it. "Yes, yes, alright, and that would be…" the Doctor suddenly felt that he shouldn't be there, that he was prying on a very private conversation, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to move. "No, no thank you, I would rather speak to you in person if that's alright… Yes, alright… Okay, that should be fine… I can be there in about 20 minuets if that's alright for you… Okay, thank you. Thank you…" he heard Rose hang up and move around, putting something away on the large floor-to-ceiling bookshelf. Just when he realised he should probably move, he heard her footsteps moving towards the door, and, before he could go anywhere, the door was opened and Rose almost walked into him.

"You alright?" he asked softly, and then quickly put the cups of hot tea on a table by him, pulling Rose into him as she broke.

"Sorry. Sorry. I'm being stupid, I just thought… It's just makes it more real, you know?… Oh, it doesn't matter… I'm just being stupid," the Doctor smiled sadly at Rose's rambling. Rose mirrored his expression, laughing at her own stupidity.

The Doctor shook his head, "You're not stupid Rose."

She looked away, unable to hold his gaze, "Don't," he looked away as well, and when he looked back, Rose had an unreadable expression painted on her face, "I'm just gunna pop out to the shop… I might be a little while…" she wiped away a tear that escaped from her tired eyes and the Doctor suddenly realised how little sleep she must have been getting. Carefully, he hugged her again, her arms eagerly pulling him closer, using him as a post as she allowed a few more tears to escape her, her face buried into his shoulder. He lent his head against hers, breathing in the soft smell of her hair. _She still smells the same_, he thought with a smile. Alright, true, she smelt a little different, and she was obviously using a different shampoo, but the overall Rose-ness of her was still clearly there.

"Where's Sophie?" Rose asked, the Doctor indicated to the garden and Rose moved away from him to go to the kitchen.

Like a puppy, the Doctor followed her down the corridor, remembering half way there the teas he had left in the hall. Doubling back on himself, he quickly dashed back, finding them both stone cold.

.o0o0o

Rose walked into the kitchen to find her daughter sat at the bench, staring wistfully out into space. Rose smiled, remembering the days she used to sit like that, always wondering if he would come back. Nursing a cup of tea that had long gone cold, any moment now, Rose knew Sophie would take a sip of the tea in her hand, only to find it cold and spit it out again in discus. She knew, because she had been there. She had been the one sat there with her cold cup of tea for hours. She had been the one with the tormenting thoughts. The one who had lost. And now she had lost again. But this time, she was allowed to share her loss with her daughter.

Right on cue, Sophie raised the cup to her lips and Rose bit back a giggle as she spit it out immediately, pushing the cup to the other side of the bench. Rose let out an escaped giggle through her nose, alerting her daughter to her presence. Sophie jumped as she realised she was not as alone in her thoughts as she had thought and Rose smiled.

"Sorry, was miles away…" she spluttered, making Rose's smile increase, "How long have you been standing there?" she added guiltily.

"Oh, only a few seconds, you're alright," Rose grinned, moving towards her daughter. Sophie smiled as Rose bent down and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"You alright?"

"Yeah… yeah, I'm fine," Rose replied, "You?"

"Yeah, I'm alright, I guess. It's just you seem…distracted," Rose frowned at Sophie's statement, but that was quickly masked by a neutral smile and a brief laugh – lasting all of two seconds.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

It was Sophie's turn to frown, "You sure you're alright?"

"Cheeky!" Rose hit Sophie playfully on the arm before pulling her into a hug. Any past thoughts forgotten as Sophie slipped gratefully into the comfort her mum offered. When they broke apart, Rose wiped her eyes with her sleeve before turning back to her daughter, "I'm just popping out to the shops, you want anything?" Sophie shook her head and Rose stroked her hair once more before turning and walking out of the kitchen.

She almost walked straight into the Doctor for a second time on her way down the hall towards the front door.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Rose just shook her head and walked past him. Picking her keys from the ledge by the door, Rose stepped out into the cold air, stepping back in briefly to grab her coat. The Doctor smiled, moving to a better position to look out of the window to watch Rose get into her underused car, start the engine, and go nowhere.

In an instant, he was out the door behind her, but something held him back once he was out there. He watched from a distance as Rose burred her head in her hands, her elbows resting on the steering-wheel. He knew before her shoulders even moved that she was crying.

.o0o0o

Even as she sobbed into her hands, Rose thought how pathetic she was being. Why didn't she just tell them where she was going? Why couldn't she let them in? She felt so isolated, even though she was surrounded by two of the three people who meant the most to her – her daughter; her Doctor and her husband. But her husband wasn't there. And he never would be again. She had come to grips with this fact a while ago, but that didn't stop it from hurting whenever she thought about it. Her Doctor or her husband. It seemed she could never have both. Just when she thought she had one, they were taken away and the other was left in his place. It was years and years ago that Rose stopped thinking of them as the same person, but she still loved them both. And that confused her more than anything.

She didn't look up as she heard the passenger door of the car open and someone getting in. She didn't move her hands from her face as the door was closed again and an arm snaked around her, pulling her to one side. She didn't make a sound as he gently rubbed her arm. And if she concentrated, _really_ concentrated, they were the Doctor and Rose Tyler again. He was the man she married and she hadn't regenerated.

But eventually, she had to face reality. Eventually, she knew she would have to stop playing games with herself. Eventually, she had to let go. Just like she had had to let go of so many others in her past. She couldn't hold on forever.

Slowly, she moved her arms from her face and rested her head against his muscled shoulder and breathed in his new-but-still-somehow-the-same-old-smell.

"I'm not really going to the shops…" she sniffed. Somehow, she knew he was smiling at that,

"I know," he whispered, squeezing her arm gently through her jacket, "I'll come with you," he offered.

Rose shook her head, moving to look up at the Doctor, "I've gotta do this."

He nodded, and Rose was suddenly aware of how much he risked just to see her again, how much he would give, if he had to give anything, just to stay, "Are you going to be alright?"

She nodded, "I think so," he smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head for courage.

"I'll be waiting here. Give me a ring… if you need me. And let me know how you get on," he offered her a smile, with she – almost – returned. He moved his arm from her waist and clicked open the car door to let himself out. He knew he probably handled that really badly, especially that last sentence, but that was all he could think of really.

The Doctor stepped back as Rose once again put the car in gear, and waved as, this time, she pulled away from the house and down the drive. He raised a hand to her as she turned out of the driveway and towards the 'shops'. Once she was completely out of sight, and he was sure she was going to be okay, the Doctor turned and moved to go back inside the house, breathing on his hands to warm them as he went.

.o0o0o

The Doctor stepped into the kitchen, smiling broadly at the girl sat there. She looked up at his entrance, but didn't smile back.

"I was thinking, I rather fancy some chips for lunch, you want some?" the Doctor offered, making his way to the freezer to fish out the bag of chips and plopping in on the bench. He made a show of reading the instructions on the packet, declaring that he didn't often have to make chips from the packet in his line of work. Eventually, he had two plates of chips on the bench, a third in the microwave in case Rose fancied some when she got back.

"She'll be alright, your mum, she's built of strong stuff," he said softly when Sophie didn't eat. She nodded, giving him a weak smile and picking up a chip. Sophie sniffed at it suspiciously, and then put it back on the plate, a look of subtle disgust on her face, "They're not that bad!" the Doctor complained as Sophie walked away from him to open one of the many cupboards.

"Salt!" she laughed, waving the salt shaker high above her head. Still laughing, she shut the cupboard door and made her way back to the desk, shaking her head dramatically. He ginned at his own stupidity, and quite soon found himself slipping into easy conversation with his old companion's daughter.

.o0o0o

"So… How long are you going to stay?" Sophie asked, elbow deep in washing up water.

The Doctor paused in his drying to turn to her, "I'll stay as long as Rose needs me," he gave her a half smile before returning to his still damp plate.

Sophie nodded thoughtfully, "Will you ask her to go with you? After the funeral?"

He wasn't sure how best to answer that so he stayed quiet for a while, absorbed in his task. A while later, when Sophie had almost forgotten she had even asked the question, the Doctor spoke, "I want to… but I don't want her to feel she has to come with me, I mean, if she leaves, she can never come back. I have to close the gap completely this time, no more cheats. The end. I don't want her to feel she has to choose between her family and me. Especially after the last time…" he trailed off, still unsure where he was going with this.

"Last time?" Sophie pushed. The Doctor gave her a look that said quite clearly he didn't want to talk about it, a look her Doctor gave her so often. She knew she would have to push now, when she was given that look, she knew that it was something they needed to talk about, no matter how painful it was for them. So Sophie just raised her eyebrows, showing him she wasn't going to give up just like that.

_A bit of Rose, a bit of me and a bit of Donna_! the Doctor thought, _scary stuff_! But he knew she was right, "We had to close the bridge, by opening it. Her family were transported to this universe, where they would be safe, but Rose didn't want to go – stubborn, your mum! – anyway, I sent her away, I didn't want her to have to choose to I chose for her. I chose a life and her family and safety. But she chose me. She came back, and she told me she was never going to leave me. Then I lost her," he bent his head, suddenly finding his shoes very interesting. Sophie was entranced, she knew her mum had lost the Doctor in a terrible way, and she was trapped, with Sophie's dad, granddad and grandmother, in a different universe, but Sophie had never really been told the full story. And it was heartbreaking! _No wonder mum used to pine over him, if she never really let him go_! But there was something missing from this,

"Where was dad in this?"

"She never told you?" the Doctor couldn't believe it, surely Rose had told her daughter who her dad was! "Your dad was later, much later. Around… two years later," he paused for a moment, checking in his head to see whether that was right or not, eventually he decided it wasn't really important, and carried on, "Did I tell you your mum is brilliant! Well, she found a way to get through the universes, she came back a second time. It was so good to see her, but there wasn't really enough time for a proper reunion, as the whole of reality was in danger…"

"From the Davros, yeah, mum told me that bit," Sophie interrupted, "But you beat him and mum and dad were dumped back in this universe. You told her she had to look after him, but she never told me why, and then you left her. Again."

"Hey! Leaving her wasn't my choice! She had to stay… She couldn't stay with me for as long as we both wanted her to, and it would have hurt us both when the day came that she had to…" he couldn't continue. What had started as a strong, protective statement, had changed into something he couldn't say. _Why is this so difficult_?! He thought, cursing himself for being so weak, "Well, your dad kinda… _came in_ around then," he continued, "You should probably ask your mum about this, I don't wanna be telling you things she'd rather you didn't know. She might have a reason for not telling you."

"I've asked her, she doesn't like to talk about it. She always closes up when she talks about you, like it difficult for her to think of you," the Doctor brushed some red hair from his eyes, it hurt to think of how much Rose had obviously missed him, when he spent almost every second thinking of her, and it almost killed him to hear that she hadn't even been able to talk about him!

The sound of tires of stones pulled the Doctor from his thoughts.

"Mum's back!" Sophie told him, a grin gradually settling on her lips, "I forgot to tell her to get some more tea…" she continued, more to herself than the Doctor, but he barely heard her anyway, as he was already half way across the kitchen, wanting to check that she was alright before he did anything else.

.o0o0o

Rose didn't move from the car. She just sat there, clutching a scrap of paper by her chest, staring straight ahead. She was numbly aware of brushing a strand of brunette hair behind her ear when it fell in front of her face. _Wrong_, she thought, as her slender fingers felt the texture of the hair, and the length, being different. She blinked back tears from her misty eyes – eyes that were no longer brown.

She was vaguely aware of a man watching her, standing just away from the car, framed by the large front door of the Tyler mansion. He was just watching her, not making any move to join her, although she knew he would in an instant, and she loved him for that. It was wonderful to know that there was someone like that, still there for her, someone who would wait.

He had moved slightly closer, he seemed unsure of what to do, being the man who never said goodbye, he didn't know what to say to the woman who always had to. He didn't know what he could do to help her, to make her better. She didn't make any move to get out of the car, and he could see her through the window, just sitting there, staring ahead. He thought she was looking at him for a moment, but then her gaze quickly returned to the horizon, an unreadable expression on her face. He watched her raise a hand and wipe her eyes clear from tears that would no longer fall. Then, as though she was waking from a trance, she shook herself and opened the car door, pulling herself out, the scrap of paper still tight in her fist.

He was there in a moment, holding her close as she blinked through the tears she should be crying. The tears she wasn't crying.

"I don't think I can do it, Doctor," she whispered, pulling away from him, "I just can't…"

Gently, he hushed her, and lead her back to the house, his arm tight around her fragile form. So much had happened to her, so quickly, and it was so unfair that such a giving girl should have so much taken from her.

With one last look into the distance, the Doctor closed the door behind them, and Rose made her way into the kitchen.

.o0o0o

She was numb now. She couldn't feel. She was beyond feeling. She was beyond pain and hurt and suffering and crying. She just couldn't. Not anymore. Her tears had run out. So much through her life had been hard, so much had gone wrong. She had finally cracked. She couldn't keep feeling. Not if it was like this. Her husband's death had been the final thing she could take. Now she couldn't. She couldn't keep going.

Rose slipped into the kitchen, ignoring her daughter's half-smile as she glided past. Sophie slowly got to her feet to come over and see what her mother was doing as Rose clipped a small scrap of paper on the calendar, the word 'funeral' clear next to a date in two weeks time.

"That's a bit… soon, isn't it?" Rose turned to find the Doctor standing not far behind her, looking over her shoulder at the appointment she had just stuck on the board.

Rose looked back at him, no clear emotion on her face, "Yeah, when he got ill, and it was clear there was no getting better, we talked, and we decided it's better not to hang about with this. Better to get it over with," she trailed off, turning back to the calendar, "Anyway, Sophie will be wanting to see her Doctor again soon, and I doubt you'll want to be hanging around for long afterwards."

The Doctor pretended not to be hurt by Rose's words. _Is that all she thinks I do? Help her through the tough times, and then just disappear. Does she not think I'll stick around? I've told her I can, why does she not trust that I will? _But he hid his emotions well, and neither Rose nor her daughter would have ever realised what he was hiding behind his automatic mask.

Gently, the Doctor slipped his arms around the two women, hugging them tightly. Sophie didn't protest, as she had realised that this was what her mother needed to get her through this. Rose stood still against him, not resisting, but without enough emotion left to fall into his embrace like she usually did.

"Whatever happens," the Doctor whispered, "We'll get through this together. Right?"

Rose nodded, but inside she felt completely alone.


	6. Before

**alright, well, hopefully this is all okay. like i've said before, i've been fortunate enough not to have been in the situation of planning a funeral, but hopefully it's mostly right. if anything is out of place PLEASE let me know and i will get it sorted as soon as i possibly can! appologies now!**

**sorry for the delay, this is another of the chapters where i have written it AGES ago and just had a mental block when it's come to posting it! so yeah, sorry about that!**

**please REVIEW!! especially now, with the funeral and things, i'd really like to know how i've done it and if it's alright! if anyone has any problems with it, like i said before, please don't hesitate to let me know! remember, i can't do anything about it if i don't know!**

**... that's pretty much it really, on with the story! enjoy! x**

* * *

The weeks leading up to the funeral passed in no time at all. One moment Rose was there, pinning up the date, and then they were making final arrangements and then they were shopping for outfits, until the next thing they knew, there were only two days left.

Rose had been incredible, making sure they all had something to do, keeping all their minds off the reason for their activities. A passing observer would never know how much she had lost, how much she had changed. Neither Sophie nor the Doctor realised that every day she was becoming less and less like Rose Tyler, every step towards the funeral was a step away from her former self. They couldn't know hoe she had stopped feeling, how it was all she could do to keep busy, to keep her mind full and buzzing.

In the end, they had invited a few people:

Mickey  
Mickey's son – Dale  
Rose  
Sophie  
The Doctor - parallel  
The Doctor  
Alex – worked at Torchwood with them  
Tony  
Tony's wife – Amy  
Tony's daughter – Grace  
Tony's son – Callum

Along with a number of people who had worked with or under the Doctor.2 and Rose during their short time at Torchwood, and wanted to pay their respects. There was also a few families the two of them had saved from one alien threat or another, who had got in touch when news had reached them of his illness, and had requested places at the funeral.

Originally, Rose had said she hadn't wanted very many people there, but in the end, she had decided that if there were a few people to cater for, she would be able to spend less time thinking about her husband, and more time thinking about the present – thus, minimising any need for true emotion to cross her beautifully carved features.

She had said a resound 'no' to people coming to the actual cremation, however, feeling the need to be alone for that. Sophie had complained when Rose had said that she couldn't come, and eventually, and reluctantly, Rose agreed that her daughter should be there to say goodbye to her father, especially when Rose had mentioned that she wanted the Doctor to be there for her. that meant, of course, that the parallel Doctor would have to be there for Sophie. They had argued and debated over Mickey and Tony's presence, but they finally agreed that, despite arguments the men in question would have about being left, it would be better if it was just the four of them at the end of it all. The wife, the daughter, the original and the parallel. Not the friend, not the brother-in-law, just them. Together. Finishing the last chapter in the Doctor's journal without him.

"You done?" Sophie asked as her mother put down the phone on the umpteenth person she had given details to that mourning, directions and so forth. Lydia was an old friend, and she had been with the two through so much. She actually lived in America, but she was going to be flying back to England just for this, accompanied by her granddaughter. Lydia was one of the few people who actually knew who the Doctor and Rose really were, and she wasn't even particularly shocked when she heard that Rose had changed, in fact, she said she had known all along what was going to happen to Rose, but somehow Rose doubted that. Of course, she had argued and complained when she had learnt that only Rose, Sophie and the two Doctors would be watching the cremation, "Are you really going to let two people who never really even _knew_ him be there, but you not your best friend?!" it had been hard, and had taken some time, but Rose had known she would be able to persuade Lydia that it would be far easier for her and her daughter if Lydia and Alice weren't there for the actual cremation.

Rose rubbed her temples, gladly accepting the cup of tea her daughter was offering her as she re-read the list of people she still had to ring, "Just one more, I don't think I will ring Andrew after all, I don't know how he'd react to me being like… this, and he wasn't that close to us anyway," she picked up a pen that was lying on the table next to her, and drew a long line through the name at the bottom of the list 'Andrew Johnson, old friend'.

"Won't he be wondering, if he never gets the call with the details?"

"He'll be too busy to notice, he's in the middle of a big business investment at the moment, and by the time he realises, the funeral will have been over moths ago, and I can just tell him I lost his number."

"He won't fall for that, you know as well as I do," Rose just shrugged helplessly, picking up the phone and dialling Callum Tyler's number, Tony's son. She had rang most people already, but had wanted to re-ring most of them nearer the time with final details.

Callum's wife answered the phone, "Hello, Julia, how are you?" Rose listened while Julia told her _exactly_ how she was that day, all the while pulling silly faces at Sophie, much like she had used to do when she was much younger and Rose had been forced to ring that household. – Julia had a bit of a tendency to go on a little, but she was a love, and for that reason, they all tolerated it. Also, Callum was completely bestowed with her, as she was with him, "I'm sorry to hear that, Julia," listens, "Yes, Julia, is he there?" listens, "Alright, I'll call back in an hour or so, shall I?" listens, "Alright then Julia, you take care now, and I'll ring back…" listens, "Okay, goodbye." Rose put the phone back down on the coffee table, only to pick it up and start beating herself on the head with it seconds later, until her daughter wrestled it off her, placing it back on the table next to Rose's people-she-needs-to-ring list. "I'm ringing back in about an hour," Rose told her, as though Sophie couldn't guess for herself.

Sarcastically, Sophie nodded, a wide-eyed '_never!_' written all over her face. Rose rolled her eyes at her daughter, muttering, '_very mature!_' under her breath, receiving a playful hit on the arm from her daughter.

As much as Sophie tried to hide it, and no matter how guilty it made her feel, she was really looking forward to the next day, and the return of her Doctor. She hadn't realised just how much she relied on his presence every day, and now she was really excited at the prospect of seeing him again. She just hoped he kept his promise and came back for her. Rose's Doctor (as she had come to call him in her head) had said that he would, and she had never known her Doctor to break a promise to her, or to her parents for that matter. And when Sophie had said she wanted to skip years, she wanted to be with her parents as they grew old, before she did – or didn't, as she thought was more likely – her Doctor had, albeit reluctantly, agreed to her request, and had made sure she had been there at all the major events in her parents lives. It had been an accident that they had turned up when her father had become ill, but he had kept bringing Sophie to see him when she had told him she wanted to be with him, he had kept his promise to her that she could see her parents whenever she wanted.

Falling back into the sofa, Sophie moved closer to her mother, still feeling guilty about the growing happiness in the pit of her stomach. Rose didn't need to be told, of course, she was Sophie's mother, for one thing, and a mother knows these things when their child – no matter how old their child happened to be – was feeling the was Sophie was and why. Also, Rose had felt the very same with her Doctor when she was young, before Torchwood had stuck their noses in, and, if she was honest with herself, which she no longer would allow herself to be, Rose still felt her heart soar when the Doctor looked at her like _that_.

"It's never going to be the same again, is it?"

Rose looked at her daughter, as if registering her question, "Would you want it to?" she asked softly.

Sophie shrugged, "There are times when I wish it was like before, for me, it wasn't that long ago when you and dad said goodbye to me on my 22nd birthday, before the Doctor whisked me off to another planet to show me another breathtaking view for a 'treat'. That was when I made him promise, that I could see you two as you grew old, before I died. It was an accident that we ended up there when dad was diagnosed, but the Doctor kept his promise and let me keep returning to his bedside for him, no matter how he wanted to keep me safe, keep me away. Sometimes I wish it was like that again, just you, me and dad, with me going off with the Doctor to far away places. And sometimes I wish it was before that, even, before I met the Doctor, when it was just the three of us, and the three of us were all that mattered," Rose listened closely as her daughter spoke, Sophie didn't let Rose in so much anymore, and on the rare occasions she did, she often still held quite a lot back from her mother, "But things have happened to us, terrible, horrible, brilliant things, and I don't think any of us could ever go back to how we were before. Not now."

Rose nodded, she knew the feeling so well, the feeling of wanting things to go back, but knowing it would never last even if time could be reversed. That was one thing time travel had shown her, that, no matter how far back you went, no matter what you changed, be it for better or worse, your actions, the things that make or break you, they can never be re-done. Fixed points in history are one thing, but your actions are your own, and no-one can take them away from you. Rose lost everything, but she had learnt to live with what she had. And, for all she wished she could go back, could have never even have been pulled into the void in the first place, she knew it was something that had to have happened, and even if she did go back, it could never be the way it was, so much had happened to change everything. So much pain, and so much growth. It was too different now to ever be the same again.

.o0o0o

Rose couldn't sleep, she just lay their in her huge, king-sized bed, staring at the ceiling. Her hand absentmindedly circled the pillow next to her, her legs entwined with an empty space. She moved closer to the warm body beside her, only to find no more than air on the other side of their bed. She sniffed, but no tears welled up in her eyes as she thought of her loss. Even as she pulled her Doctor's old pillow to hug to her chest, she didn't feel the pain she had felt for so long. Her arms were wrapped tightly around the pillow now, her head nestled into it's warm depth, trying to find some sign of life in the inanimate material by her face. She didn't really expect anything, so it wasn't too much of a blow when the steady beat of his single heart, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in his half-sleep, didn't lull her to sleep like it used to. Instead, she lay awake, thinking of nothing, feeling nothing. And she knew she was done.

Sophie was awake too. Sat on the edge of her bed, in a room that she knew had once belonged to her mother. She had the blinds of the skylight, located over her bed, pulled back, and the stars glistened welcomingly at her. _I'll be there_, she promised herself, _not long after tomorrow, I'll be back in the stars_, and she couldn't help but add, _where I belong_.

The Doctor sat on a chair by the side of a bed that wasn't his. Well, Rose had said he could have it while he was with them, but it would never be his. He knew, without her having to tell him, that his double had once had this room. A long time ago, probably when he and Rose were finding their feet after the war, but it had been his nonetheless. He had found some Gallifreyan writing on the wall, inside the walk-in-wardrobe, but it didn't really mean much, just random words: _duck; scribble; rose; winter; triangle_; and so forth. The Doctor supposed that it was just Doctor.2 making sure that he still understood the language, and that he could still form the words in writing. Somehow, the Doctor doubted Rose had found the writing, or, if she had, she was obviously not bothered about it. He had wondered for a moment, when he had fist found the words, if Rose knew what they meant, but he didn't dwell on the fact for long. If his double had seen fit to teach her the means of his language, that way his business. The Doctor would say nothing about it. He knew that, had Rose not been taken away from him, he would have begun to teach Rose some of it anyway, and he had a pretty strong feeling it wouldn't take long for her to pick up the now-dead language, she was clever like that. _Now-dead­_, the Doctor still didn't like to think of his planet and his language as _dead_, the battle was still fresh in his head, the screams and pleas of his home planet still clear and sharp in his memories. There were times when he woke up, even now, when he would forget, and he would decide he would visit his family that day, and then it would all come back to him, and it would be unbearable for a moment. Times like those often made him think of Rose, and how good she had been for him when he had felt like that sometimes, and how well and easily she had made him feel better. He knew what he told her was true, she made him better. And he would never stop thanking her for that. She saved his life without even realising what she was doing. And that was why he…

But he still couldn't bring himself to finish that sentence.

And so the world slept, the world, that is, except for those three people, all awake for their own reasons. All thinking, if not consciously, of each other. But there was another, making his way down to the planet he spent so much of his time, and the girl he had made a promise to. He wouldn't stop again until he was with her, and she was safe in his arms. He knew exactly how long it had been for her, but it had only been a few days for him. He hadn't realised until then just how much he relied on her presence, and he knew he shouldn't allow himself to be so attached, but he was. And there was no going back now. He would be with her as they buried her father, because he promised, and because he wanted to be with her. Because he just wasn't ready to let go yet.

.o0o0o

The household awoke to a familiar whirring sound, coming from somewhere by the bottom of the stairs. Sophie was up in an instant, throwing on a dressing gown and a pair of slippers to run down the stairs, taking them two or three at a time. By the time she reached the bottom, the Doctor was just stepping out of his TARDIS, and she leapt into his already-open arms, clinging to his neck as he picked her up and swung her round the room. Scratching his head, a cup of tea in his hand and his longish, ginger hair sticking up in all angles, the Doctor opened the door to the kitchen, pausing as he observed his parallel self cling onto the body of the young woman, and he couldn't help but smile, as he remembered doing the same thing himself, to another young, blond woman, who looked rather like her daughter. The woman in question arrived at the top of the stairs, clutching her own dressing gown tightly around her with one hand, while fluffing up her mourning-hair with the other.

"You could have waited until we were up!" she managed between yawns. The Doctor put down Sophie and shot up a guilty look at the mother, she was right, he could have waited, but he _really_ hadn't wanted to!

"Sorry," he mumbled, scratching the back of his head with his left hand, his right holding Sophie's as though it would kill him to ever let go.

Rose shook her head and her Doctor smirked, thinking how like Jackie she looked, standing there, like that, "Oh well, no harm done, and we're all up, which is something, I suppose," she winked at her Doctor, who she had just noticed standing in the doorway, mug and all, "Now that you're here, and you've gone through all the trouble of waking us all up, you don't think you could manage to make me a cup of tea, do you? In fact, you could make us all a cup of tea… and one for yourself as well… I suppose!" the Doctor (parallel) bowed mockingly, causing Sophie to giggle like a teenager, before he turned to make his way to the kitchen, his little companion close behind, afraid he would disappear if she let him out of her sight.

Doctor-of-the-world-they-were-in paused at the door of the kitchen, finding another man in his way. It took a while for the memory to sink in, along with the knowledge of who this man was. When he remembered, the Doctor blinked a few times, registering the fact, and nodded curtly to his parallel.

Rose's Doctor inclined his head in way of response, before stepping out of the way, tactfully and subtly keeping his cup out of sight from the other him, who headed straight over to the kettle and began absentmindedly to fill it up for three cups of tea. Then, remembering the Doctor (Rose's), the Doctor (Sophie's) quickly turned, "Do you want one?" he offered, and when the Doctor (Rose's) nodded, put the kettle under the water for a little more, letting it fill up just enough for one more cup, before he switched it on and let the water boil for a bit.

By this point, Rose had come in and was standing by her Doctor. Her hand slipped to his without her really thinking about it, and she felt his fingers wrap themselves around hers as he returned the gesture. Rose looked up and smiled gratefully at the man she leant against, forgetting for a moment that he was not the man she married, and forgetting that her husband had died, before her. She forgot that she was not the Rose Tyler she used to be, she forgot that they had both regenerated. She let herself think that nothing had happened, and that they were back to before, back to being Rose and the Doctor for just a little more.

And then Sophie's Doctor handed them cups of tea and she remembered.

"So… what have you been up to since we last saw you?" Rose asked, trying to make conversation.

Both Doctors looked up from what they were doing and the one by the sink began to speak, "Not much really, just been drifting…" he reached for Sophie's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, not missed by Rose's Doctor, who regarded the two with a soft understanding, "Thought of a really good place to take you next… when all this is over… if you still want to come…" he trailed off, a silent plea in his eyes as he looked at Rose's daughter, a half-smile on his face.

Sophie grinned and replied that she always wanted to go with him, that nothing could compare. Rose's Doctor both knew and understood what had been going through his parallel's head when he had spoken last, the fear that in their time apart, she had changed her mind and no longer wanted to travel in the TARDIS, with him. The longing to see her again, but the dread that she had changed. The unwilling to force her to come, but the knowledge that he couldn't go on without her, not anymore. And he watched with an sympathetic expression on his face as the other Doctor wrapped his arms around his companion and hugged her, for he knew that it couldn't last forever, and it would hurt more than ever when the time came for those two to say goodbye for the final time.

.o0o0o

"Lydia!!!!" Rose shouted, running over to her old friend. Lydia looked around a little for the source of the yell before she had to step back as a tall, brunette figure hurtled herself at her, hugging like she had known her for her whole life.

When the women finally separated, Lydia stepped back, taking in the girl standing in front of her, from her slightly wavy, short, brunette hair, her slim figure, long legs and deep, misty eyes, the colour of which could be brown… or blue… or green… or grey…

Suddenly, Lydia grinned, "Rose?" she asked. As an answer, she received another tight hug, one which she returned happily, "God, you weren't joking when you said you'd changed!" Rose looked down at herself, a self-conscious look on her face.

"I know…"

"You look great!" Rose looked at her old friend and smiled, but it was only a half-smile as Lydia continued, "Different…"

She nodded, and then turned around as another person caught her eye, "Hang on a mo," she told her friend, "Go on in…" she added, indicating the Crematorium behind them, where the funeral was set to take place. Lydia nodded and gathered up her long black trails of skirt to climb up the stony path, leaving Rose alone.

Cautiously, a tall, dark man walked towards her, the only sign of his age showing in the stooped way he walked, and the creases on his face. Close behind him was another man, also black. Both men were dressed in grey suits and solemn expressions adorned their faces. The older man looked up at Rose, and the exact moment when his frown turned to understanding was clear in her eyes.

Moving from her place, she approached her old friend and his son, bowing her head slightly against the soft wind, "Hello Mickey," she whispered.

.o0o0o

The catching up was done, the old friends and the close family were settled in aisles and the coffin was placed at the front of the room.

The registrar of the funeral – not a vicar, and neither Rose nor her husband could ever be religious after the lives they had lived – walked to the front, standing just to the side of the final resting place of a man who had touched so many lives.

Rose entered last, Sophie next to her. All heads turned to face the two women draped in their black as they made their way up the walkway to find their seats at the front next to their Doctors.

Lowering their hands to their laps, the host began to speak. Rose knew that in a bit she would have to face up to the people who had decorated her old life. By now they all knew that she had changed, although they didn't all know the full story, and she knew that they wouldn't ask for any more information then she saw fit to give them. All this considered, she was still nervous about the speech she would shortly have to give, and she still didn't want to let go of the man she had almost forgotten.


	7. Goodbyes

**okay, hopefully this chapter is alright, as i have previously stated, not been to a funeral (touch wood) that i can remember anyway lol, so this could be terrible!! nonetheless, i've tried my best, and hopefully it's not completely cringworthy haha!  
besides, it's a parellel universe, maybe this is how things roll there!**

**right, if anyone has been reading my other stories, they might have an idea about how i've had a total mind blank when it's come to uploading recently (or not so recently haha) and, dispite having written, nothing has been uploaded lol! but i'm back now!#  
this is the only chapter for this story so far, but i have another on the go, and hopefully i'll remember to upload it once finished this time hehe! - reviews will help with this hint hint nudge nudge!**

**anyway, for fear of making the AN longer than the actual chapter, i will let you get on with it lol! please remember to review!! enjoy x**

* * *

"And hopefully, somehow, somewhere, Alonzo Gal… Gallif… Gallifay… Gralifrey…"

"Gallifrey," Rose corrected, her eyes not moving from the beautifully carved, wooded coffin in front of them."

"Ah, Gallifrey, thank you," the man looked bashful for a moment, before continuing, "May Alonzo Gallifrey Tyler find peace now, wherever he may be," he looked at Rose, before falling silent for a moment, as the Doctor turned to her, a slightly confused look on his face.

Feeling his gaze, Rose looked up to the Doctor and explained in hushed tones, "He needed to be someone else, when you first left us, he needed to be more than _the other Doctor_, he needed a name, so we came up with that. Originally, he was Alonzo Noble, but when we got married we thought it would be better to keep my name, as neither of us really wanted Donna's name for the rest of our lives, no matter how much we love her," Rose gave a half-smile, and the Doctor nearly laughed for a moment, before both sobered up, the coffin staring them in the face, "But after a while, he always was the Doctor, and I went back to calling him that… but, for a little, I think he needed that, needed to be different from you."

"Why Gallifrey?" the Doctor asked, once they had fallen silent again.

"Noble for Donna, and Gallifrey is just as much a part of him as it is of you."

Rose turned back to the registrar, leaving an obvious clue for the Doctor to be quiet now, which he was.

.o0o0o

The lead-up to the cremation was hard, but the four of them got through it as the registrar brought the last bit to a close.

"So, goodbye," he said, laying his hands on the coffin and closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, the registrar looked at each of the people, regarding them in that subtle, understanding way of his before he brought his hand to his pocket and fumbled with a small scrap of paper.

_He doesn't look very professional when he does that_, Sophie couldn't help but think, as he unfolded the note and cleared his throat.

"Rig Fra Monck Grrrrr….?" He looked at Rose again as she made a gesture to interrupt.

Slowly, she stepped forward and laid her hands on the coffin where his had previously rested. _Please help me_, she thought as she found the words coming to her again, just like they always did, "Ranch Figmra Mooci Granchle Brang Harat," she said in a small voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw both Doctor's faces change in slight shock as they both realised what she had just said, Sophie, however, remained ignorant, as Rose had known she would. Smiling slightly, Rose stepped away from the coffin to re-take her Doctor's welcoming hand.

"What did it mean?" she heard Sophie whisper to the other Doctor, and she smiled again when she heard the worried reply.

"May his soul find the peace he never could, and may he know that he's more than an echo, even in death."

Without looking, Rose could see Sophie's frown as she tried to work out how all that fitted within six simple words.

Rose looked up to her Doctor again and spoke in clear Gallifreyan, "Time to say goodbye?"

He nodded, any other time he might have wondered where Rose had acquired her second language, but today was not the day to be thinking about things like that, instead, he nodded and squeezed her hand slightly, replying in English a soft "Yeah."

The registrar stepped back as the four stepped forward. The Doctor ran his fingers over the smooth material, wondering at the little circles that had been etched into the wood.

"That's what's on the screen in the TARDIS!" Sophie gasped, and Rose smiled again as the realisation struck her daughter. Catching her eye, Rose nodded softly and her daughter blinked, trying to let the new information sink in, "Why didn't you tell me?" Sophie asked.

"I always would have, I just… wanted the time to be right." Sophie was going to argue with that, but her Doctor's hand on her arm shut her mouth and she sank back.

"What does it say?" Sophie asked, looking at the inscription.

"Most of it's just random words," Rose's Doctor explained, watching Rose carefully as he spoke, "But these around the edges, where they're dug in slightly deeper, they all mean something to us," these words where ones meaning things Rose had seen with the Doctor, main events they had gone through.

"And these are things I've seen with you," the other Doctor interrupted, talking to Sophie and touching the ones in the middle that weren't quite as deeply etched, the ones the Doctor had previously described as being 'just random words'.

Rose nodded, and indicated the writing in the middle, "And what are they Sophie?" she asked, softly. She knew full well that she hadn't explained the missing words, the ones she and her half Doctor had been through while he was Alonzo.

Sophie frowned, "How should I know?" but Rose just told her to look, she's understand. So, still frowning, Sophie looked at the drawings, willing them to make sense in front of her eyes. "They're names," she said, suddenly. Both Doctor's turned to look at her, slightly startled, _Rose_ they could understand her knowing, but how did Sophie understand.

Smiling, Rose explained, "He was a Time Lord… or at least partly, the knowledge was always inside her, just like it was always inside him."

They were silent for a while, and then the Doctor spoke up again, "Who wrote it?"

"Me," was the simple reply. Once again, any other time, he would have asked, any other time, he may have got her to form the words for him, just to prove that she actually wrote them like she said she did, and to see if she wrote them the way true Gallifreyans did. But again, today wasn't the day.

.o0o0o

The Doctor slipped his arm around Rose as they watched the coffin go up in flames. The light danced across her face, and she looked to her left, seeing gold flash on her daughter's. _She looks so like her father_, Rose couldn't help but think, as Sophie's serious eyes looked straight ahead of her, regarding the scene with the same gentle understanding as the Doctor used to, so many times before. Rose knew that Sophie wouldn't look away, no matter how hard it got, and neither would either one of the Doctors they stood with, because if no-one was watching, then the event was worthless. Rose knew this, and so she looked too, barely blinking, she let three tears snail down her face to drop onto the ground in front of her. All she could hope was that it didn't start to rain before it was over.

And then it was over.

.o0o0o

There was talk, there always would be. People were talking and catching up. People who had moved away from their friends and family were discussing their lives and their memories and their _friends_. But most were talking of the day. Of the wife, and of the daughter. They spoke about the Doctor, the man who they had all gathered today for, the one who was gone, the one who many never got to say a proper goodbye to.

A few people were discussing the man who had turned up by Rose's side, the man who hadn't let go of her hand throughout the whole service. Rose knew people were talking, and she had known they would, but she didn't for a second let that get to her. And still, that hand remained in hers, keeping her strong.

It didn't seem like long until everyone was leaving, but at the same time it seemed like Rose had been there a lifetime, answering people's questions, making small talk, listening to people telling her over and over again how _sorry_ they were. Sorry meant nothing to Rose now. Sorry couldn't bring him back. But she kept smiling, kept nodding, kept thanking people for turning up, for their concern, for being there. There wasn't much more she could do really. Her heart was empty and the only thing left keeping her going was the hand in hers and the girl on the other side of the room, just as she knew the only thing keeping her daughter was that hand in Sophie's.

"Bye Lydia," Rose said, giving her old friend one last, tight hug, "Keep in touch this time!"

Lydia grinned and nodded, "Take care of yourself Rose, don't let go just yet," she said in a serious voice. Rose nodded, and they embraced a final time before Lydia, too, left the hall and stepped into the bitter wind and rain, pulling her hood over her face.

Rose didn't look up as a familiar hand slipped into her own, and they waved off the last of Rose's old friends. Rose sighed heavily and leant her head on the Doctor's chest, feeling him warm arms wrap themselves around her as she turned round and hugged him close to her.

"What am I gonna do?" she whispered, feeling her eyes cloud up with tears.

To her relief, the Doctor didn't let go of her as he replied, "Whatever you want to do."

The words themselves didn't help much, but the man saying them, just by being there, really did.

.o0o0o

They picked up a small urn, just a little pot, decorated in Gallifreyan symbols, filled with the ashes of a past Doctor, of a great half-man half-Time Lord. Rose didn't cry until much later that night, her final goodbye echoing in the silent darkness of the extensive garden.

She was numbly aware of a man watching her from the kitchen window, his dark form standing out in front of the dull orange of the light he had switched on in the room. She didn't turn around to look at him as she let out her tears, and he didn't make any move to go to her, to comfort her. Every atom in his body was telling him to take her hand and tell her it would be okay, but for once, he didn't. Instead he just stood and watched, because he knew that she'd have to do this one on her own. He couldn't always help her, no matter how much he wanted to.

Sophie lay asleep in her bed, her dreams troubled and silent. She kept calling out, reaching out for someone, but no-one came. And then her father was there, as young as he used to be, she walked towards him, knowing that he could never really be there. Se tried to touch him, but it was like an invisible barrier was in their way. Letting her hand fall to her side, she tried to think of something to say, something that could bring him back, but she knew already that it was hopeless. He didn't say anything, he just stood there and watched her, a half-smile on his face as he reached up and tucked a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. She leant into his touch and his smile widened, and then he was gone, and the beach they had been standing on faded to nothing. It was just darkness, and she was screaming again, screaming for her father to come and save her, but her words meant nothing, and no sound echoed off the impossible space around her. She was trapped in nothing, trapped nowhere, and no-one was coming to save her. She was alone.

Sophie's Doctor stepped into her room cautiously at the sound of her voice, mumbled, and calling for help. He watched as she twisted about in her sleep, restless. Gently, he moved a strand of her hair away from her face so he could see it, she stilled instantly at his touch, but it wasn't long before her briefly-peaceful face became troubled once more. The Doctor moved his hand from her face and took her hand softly in his own, pulling up a chair to watch her.

"I'm here Sophie, I'm here for you," he whispered, but his words were lost to the night as an owl hooted somewhere in the distance, "I'm not gonna leave you again."

.o0o0o

"Did you get any sleep last night?" the Doctor asked, coming into the kitchen to find Rose sat at the bench, already nursing a half-empty cup of tea. He almost smirked as he realised that the drink was cold. Despite this, Rose brought it to her lips and sipped the liquid thoughtfully, her mind elsewhere.

"Remind me, what's it like? In the stars?" Rose said, apparently not hearing the Doctor's previous question.

"It's… it's beautiful. Nothing in the world could compare to some of the things I've seen. And the things you've seen. Wonderful, terrible, _fantastic_ things that keep me travelling, keep me going," Rose smiled, a far away look in her eyes as he spoke, "He's not gone, you know."

She snapped out of her trance, "He can never come back," she replied, looking out of the window rather than at him.

"No, but that doesn't mean he's gone. He'll never be gone, not while he's in your heart. Those you love will never truly leave you," he told her, and Rose couldn't help but think how much he had changed since she last saw this troubled man. She knew she'd changed, she'd grown while they'd been apart, but so had he. There were parts about who he used to be that she would always miss, but it was nice to know that some things about him had changed for the better.

Randomly, Rose got up from her place and walked over to the Doctor, reaching out a hand to run it through his ginger hair, twisting the longish locks around her fingers, testing them, trying them.

"How many times have you regenerated since I last saw you?" Rose asked, her attention still in his hair.

"Twice. Then I realised that I needed to come back, to see you again."

"You're so different this time. I mean, even more different then you ever have been." The Doctor nodded, words dying on his tongue. There was a time when he knew he would never have said half the things he was telling Rose now, but times had changed, and he had changed with them. But the one thing that never changed, the once thing he never could change, the one thing he knew never would change, was Rose. And there was nothing he could do about that. She was in his head and he knew she always would be. But then wasn't the time to tell her. Instead, the Doctor pulled her to him in another hug, resting his head on hers.

And in that moment, Rose said goodbye to her husband for the last time.


	8. Memories

**Hmm this is interesting.. I was feeling bad about not updating this story in eaons so reminded myself where I'd last left the story and found this waiting and ready to be uploaded.. How odd that I didn't put it up earlier.. Hmm...**

**Anyways, here's wishing everyone an awesome newyear! My resolution is to be more faithful with uploading fanfics.... But like all good resoltions, don't rely on this - the lower your expectations of me the less I can disapoint! Hehe I'm sorry, I know this is terrible!**

**Whoop it was my birthday on the 30th Dec! I was really intending to have a new chapter up for at least one story.. But we all know how time can get away from you when you're having fun :D !**

**Getting on with it... Hope you enjoy! Appologies again about the wait! Review even if just to tell me what a bad person I am :D ! Or review the story... Either way... Feedback is amazing and I'll love you forever! xo**

* * *

Late that night, Rose woke to find her head resting on the kitchen table, her hand wrapped in a man's she thought she had lost forever, their fingers entwined. _No, not forever,_ she scolded herself, _I've seen enough to know there _is _no forever._ She moved so she could look at him more closely without waking or attempting to remove her hand from his. He wasn't the same man she lost, all that time ago: he was more. And he was less. All at the same time. He was a new man, yet he was still the same. Much like she was herself. She didn't know how to feel about it all. It was so much for her to take in! She had lost the man she had loved a long time ago, and, after time, had allowed herself to get over him. Slowly, she had fallen for a different man with the same face, and that had been difficult to accept, but she had, and she had married that man and had a beautiful little girl, who had grown to be a beautiful young woman who understood the complexities of the universe like none that Rose had ever met. Sophie was truly her father's daughter, coupled with her mother's willingness to learn and often stubborn nature, she was brilliant, no wonder the Doctor of Sophie's universe had invited her along! But that was the thing, this may be her daughter's universe, and at a stretch, her husband's, but it was never hers. Her home had always been, and always would be, the universe she was born in. The universe she had met her Doctor in. The universe her heart had died in.

And all too soon it was happening again. The man she loved had died, and a new man was here to take his place. Of course, it wasn't meant like that, and neither did Rose take it like that, but that was the way it always happened. For years there had been three Doctors for Rose Tyler. One was the man she had loved; the man she had lost; and the man who had left her. Another was the man she had married; the man she had created; the man who could have the life the other had always wanted. The first two Doctor's balanced themselves out, and, although it had taken years, Rose had fallen in love with each of them in their own ways. They may have been the same man in principle, but the two could never be the same. They were opposites. And they were always destined to be that way. The only thing they had in common was their memories and the way they felt about Rose… but even that differed in them. They showed it differently. And they coped with it differently - while the Doctor had always done his best to hide his emotions; to protect his love, the half-Doctor had always done his best to make up for his double's mistakes. He had told Rose everyday the way he felt about her, and would have done anything for her.

The third Doctor wasn't hers. He was her daughters. The man had taken Sophie away from Rose in much the same way as the Doctor had taken Rose from Jackie all that time ago. But it was different with Sophie. Rose had encouraged her daughter to live the life she missed so much, the life she could never get back… Or so she'd thought. She and Sophie's father had welcomed the Doctor into their lives and family straight away the second they'd met him, cause they'd known what he could do for her. They'd lived the life he could show their daughter, and they wanted it for her. So Rose and the Doctor had let her go. Had let her disappear into the farthest reaches of the galaxy. They'd stood and smiled when she returned and told them about how she'd risked her life for some planet, somewhere, and while they did worry about her, they knew she was safe. Sophie was clever enough to know she would die someday; the lesson that 'everything has it's time and everything dies' was something she'd grown up with, and she'd told her parents and her Doctor early on that she would die with him, on some far away planet saving someone's life. Rose didn't mind because she knew exactly how her daughter felt. She had always known that even if she had been told she would die as soon as she stepped into the TARDIS, it would never hold her back from having just one more adventure. Even as she lay on the kitchen bench thinking about their lives, she knew that remained to be true. No matter what, she would give up everything just to see the stars one more time. Everything, that is, except her daughter.

Carefully, Rose slipped her hand out of the Doctor's and went to stand by the large windows looking out on the empty garden, glistening in the moonlight. She contemplated going outside, but the breath on the back of her neck stopped her as she reached for the door handle. Closing her eyes, Rose leant back slightly, leaning on the slim figure behind her.

Winding her fingers around his, Rose stood that way for a long time, her back pressed into the Doctor's chest and their fingers entwined.

"Come with me," he whispered, his hot breath tickling her ear as he spoke. Slowly, she nodded, allowing him to move their hands - still joined - to open the French doors leading to the garden. Then he let go of her, moving to stand by her left side before retaking her hand and leading her out onto the cold patio. Both of them were still dressed in the clothes they had worn to the funeral, but Rose's dress was of thin material, and she found herself shivering as the icy air hit her. If the Doctor noticed he didn't say anything as she moved closer to his warmth.

"I thought Time Lords felt the cold less," she joked, causing him to look down at her. He didn't have to look down as far as he had used to, as she was taller and he was slightly shorter than they both had used to be, he was still a good three inches taller than her though.

"You're not a real Time Lord…" he replied, a far away look in his eyes. Rose held his gaze for all of five seconds before she had to look away.

"No… I suppose not."

They continued down the garden in silence. The only noise coming from birds as they woke from their sleep. Rose didn't know what time it was, but she guessed it to be around one or two in the morning by the silence that people couldn't really appreciate except at night. As she walked outside, Rose found she didn't feel tired, despite having had very little sleep recently, the cool night air and the hand in hers keeping her feeling as though she need never sleep again.

When they got to the small stream at the end of the garden, the two of them stopped, looking out over the still water. Rose felt her rushing thoughts relax as the water calmed her and as she felt the Doctor breath a sigh of relief she knew it held the same effect on him.

Trembling slightly, Rose looked up at the sky, watching as the stars seemed to look down at the two figures so far beneath them, twinkling softly as they whispered the secrets it was none of any Human's business to know, "I would give anything just to go up there one last time…."

"Would you?" the Doctor asked. Rose looked at him, startled as she realised she had spoken aloud.

Looking away again, Rose nodded, slowly, "I miss it all… just being out there… it was like… nothing I could ever have dreamt of… and nothing could ever compare to it. I want to see the stars again… I want to do the impossible… I want to _live_ again," an excited expression took over her face and her voice became slightly breathless as she said the last part of her speech, as though the very words fulfilled the dream she missed so much.

The Doctor opened his mouth and closed it again, as though changing his mind at the last minute. _Oh how I want to take her away with me!_ he thought, not daring to speak the words to her for fear of her reaction, _I wish I could tell her… I wish I could ask her to come with me… _but the fear of her rejection scared him enough to keep his mouth shut; to keep his thoughts as just that - thoughts. He had battled countless monsters, taken on more foes than anyone he knew, but he was more afraid of the woman standing by his side, and his feelings for her, than any of those things. He could look death in the eye and tell it to leave without a single thought, but one look from his old companion could have him shaking and speechless, afraid of her reaction.

_I could take you away_, he thought to himself, almost whispering the words just too quiet for Rose to ever hear. Looking away, the Doctor cursed himself for being a wimp. He would have given anything to bundle his Rose Tyler up in his arms and whisk her off to some far away place, but he couldn't. Not just yet. _Soon,_ he promised himself, _soon I will ask her to come away with me. Soon. _and with that thought firmly in his head, the Doctor smiled softly at the woman standing with him.

"Come with me?" he asked softly this time, stretching out his hand back towards her. Rose didn't have to think about twice before taking it: it may have been a bit smaller than it used to; her fingers may have been a little longer than before; but their hands still fit, and it was still him. Still _her_ Doctor. The Doctor and Rose Tyler. The way it always had been.

Without talking, the Doctor lead Rose around the silver waters of the still stream, following the gentle bubble of the tiny waves as they slid over rocks towards the lake a little further down the garden. There was no path to follow, and Rose could feel the soft dew that was just beginning to settle seep through her shoes, but she didn't say a word. They walked in silence, listening to the whispers of the night around them as they crept through the semi-darkness.

Rose shivered despite long forgetting about the cold as they reached the black lake, pulling her hand out of the Doctors to wrap her arms around herself. She looked once more at the stars before tearing her gaze away and staring instead at the ground. The Doctor noticed but when he asked what was wrong Rose found she couldn't answer him, she just shook her head and refused to look up.

The Doctor didn't say anything more, he simply moved to stand slightly behind her and wrapped his own arms around Rose's thin form, hugging her to him. She turned around in his grasp and returned the hug, burying her head in his shoulder and breathing in the familiar scent of belonging somewhere else. The scent that no amount of baths could ever rid him of. The Doctor smelt like a Time Lord, and that was the smell Rose would always describe him with.

"Will you come with me?" the Doctor whispered into her ear, aware that the likelihood was that Rose wouldn't want to leave behind her life in this world to follow him in his.

Rose nodded and moved away, offering him her hand. She thought he would take her to another part of the garden. When he looked at her she realised. Rose breathed in heavily - it was almost a gasp, but it wasn't quite. No amount of blinking could hide the tear that sprung to her eye as she moved away from the man who could give her life back to her.

Slowly, Rose Tyler looked out over the lake in front of them. It appeared to be sleeping, untroubled by the torments of dreams, and thoughts, and wishes, and memories, the lake was almost completely still, fazed only by faint ripples as the wind brushed over the silky black of the waters. "I… I dream about it sometimes. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking I'm still on the TARDIS. Every now and again, I wake up and half asleep I'll run out my room and it'll take a moment for it to sink in that I'm never going back. Even now, even when the Doctor was in hospital, dying, sometimes my mind would wonder back to when you and I were running for our lives with huge smiles on our faces and it would take me a while to remember where I am…" Rose spoke quietly and more to herself and the night than to the Doctor himself. "This is my life now. But even today I have trouble remembering that sometimes. If I let myself drift, if I _let_ myself forget, I can so easily imagine my life on this planet never existed and I never lost you…" Rose drifted off and moved further away from the Doctor, "Don't ask me to leave Sophie, she's not as mature as she likes to think she is and she still needs a mother. And… I'm afraid."

"What are you afraid of?" the Doctor whispered, moving towards her, "There's nothing…"

"I'm afraid that I'll forget about my life here if I go with you. I'm afraid that I'll have forgotten how to live your life… I'm afraid of getting close.. Just to lose you again…"

"I'll be there, every second. I'll never let you go again."

Rose just shook her head and moved to go back up towards the house but the Doctor grabbed hold of her hand as she moved past him, "Do you trust me?" he asked.

Rose nodded and he replied, "Then let me save you."

Rose looked directly at his face as a silver tear cut a line down her face, falling off her chin. She made no move to wipe it away as she whispered, "I have to save myself now. You can't always catch me if I fall." and with that she pulled her hand out of his grip and moved back towards the house.

"I'll _always_ catch you." The Doctor called after her retreating back, "Always!"

.o0o0o

That morning, when Sophie woke up and went down to the kitchen, her mum wasn't at her usual spot. There was no water in the kettle and no cup of tea waiting on the side. When she went to check the living room, there was no one there either. She quietly went up to Rose's bedroom and peeked through the door, but there was no crumpled heap to suggest life had been in there at all. Slowly, Sophie crept into her mothers room and went to look through the French doors that lead onto the balcony she knew Rose liked to stand on, but it was empty.

She had almost run out of ideas when Sophie thought to go up to the roof. Her mother would spend ages up there whenever she needed to think or have some time to herself. Rose knew that no one else really liked going up there so it was her escape. As Sophie edged her way up the stairs that lead to the top of the house, she remembered why she had stopped going there when she was younger. The whole place was covered in cobwebs and dust from where Rose would not allow the cleaners up there but was too lazy to dust herself. Eyes from a thousand, roughly-sketched monsters glared off A4 paper pinned onto the walls at her as Sophie crept through the little entrance bit before the old door that lead to the roof. She blinked as she threw her weight onto the heavy door to open it and was greeted by a flood of startling sunlight. Holding up a hand to shield her eyes, Rose's daughter walked across the top of the house, looking around for the woman who always used to spend so much time up here when Sophie was little.

She saw a slim figure sat at the side of the roof, their legs hanging over the side. From the distance Sophie was at she couldn't tell who it was but as it was her mum's spot, she presumed it to be Rose. Walking over to the form, Sophie realised it was a man staring at nothing. She coughed quietly to alert him to her presence and hid a grin as the man jumped and spun around like a guilty school boy being caught meddling with the teachers chair.

"I'm sorry," the Doctor gushed, "I didn't expect anyone else to be up here!"

"It's okay, I'm sorry for making you jump." Sophie smiled as she went to sit by the man her mother so obviously loved, "I was looking for mum…" she trailed off when she noticed the Doctor had stopped listening.

"She used to love it up here, would yell at anyone who dared disrupt her private space." The Doctor smiled, looking out at the horizon, but Sophie knew he was listening, "She let me sit up here with her though, a couple of times, she would sit me on her knee and tell me stories about different planets and far away places and she would point out stars that she'd been to. She could name most but always said that dad could name every single one and every single planet that orbited it. When I met the Doctor told me he could do that. I suppose you can too…?" the Doctor nodded and Sophie continued, "I stopped going here after a while, I felt too much like I was invading. There weren't many places mum would go that Dad never would and I didn't like the little bit before you come out either. When I was little I always used to be afraid of the drawings."

The Doctor nodded, "They're very good."

"Mum drew them." the Doctor looked surprised at this and told Sophie that he never knew Rose could draw like that. "She used to always draw little things like that. Little sketches. TARDISs, aliens, monsters, things like that. Sometimes she'd draw people too. Some of the pictures are around the house, but most of them ended up in that little room. Dad never really liked them, he said they were good, but he always said he felt like she was trying to force herself back into the past when she drew them so she brought them up here. It was her spot. Even Granddad and Gran wouldn't come up here, but they would always know when she was up here. They agreed with Dad that she should 'let go' although I never knew what they meant of course. Not properly." Sophie sighed, following the Doctor's gaze into the sky, "I suppose you know what they're all of," she stated and wasn't surprised when he nodded.

"They're things we've seen, people we've met, alien 'threats' we've defeated. Stories your mum would have told you when you were little about her adventures." the Doctor sighed heavily, and Sophie wondered what was running through his head, but her time with her own Doctor prevented her from asking: she knew he would tell her if he wanted to talk about it. That was the difference between her and her mother, Sophie thought, _I know when not to ask. _If she had told the man she was sat with this, however, he would have disagreed. Rose always knew how to get him to talk, even when he didn't want to, and sometimes even when he wished she would just leave him alone, she always knew that it was best that he spoke about what was bothering him, and, often for the first time, he would _always_, eventually open up to her. That was one of the things he loved most about Rose Tyler, she never gave up.

"She used to draw little sketches sometimes with notes about the story behind them, but nothing special. She wouldn't ever let me look at the drawings, always said they were nothing if I asked to see them. I don't think she even knew that I knew she drew them." Sophie told the Doctor, looking out at the incredible view.

The two of them kept talking for a while, sitting for stretches between conversations in silence, just looking out at the world around them and thinking about how their lives had panned out. Sophie thought about how whenever she was with her mum up here she had felt like she shouldn't be there, but when she was with the Doctor it was easy to just sit there and talk about everything. She found herself understanding why her mother had found it so hard to let go of her old life as the Doctor told her about it. He didn't spare any details, didn't soften the blow of his words for fear of hurting or upsetting her as he told her about how he had left Rose with his clone even though she wanted to stay with him. And Sophie was glad. She was happy that she wasn't being tip-toed around and she was finally being told the whole story about what happened.

.o0o0o

Rose stood completely still, as if she was in a dream she didn't want to wake from but any movement she made would shake her into reality. She closed her eyes and tried to picture the time when she'd first laid eyes on the machine in front of her. She tried to imagine that she'd known right from the start that the little blue box a man she didn't know had walked into was special. She tried to imagine that she'd always known she was meant for something more than what she'd grown up with, but, no matter she tried to remember, she couldn't deny that she'd never expected any of it.

Opening her eyes again, Rose was still stood in front of the TARDIS, but this time, she could feel the pulse of life and knowledge emitting from the amazing ship. She put a hand to her pocket, intending to withdraw her old key, but something stopped her. She couldn't explain what made her do it, but the next thing she knew Rose held her hand out and clicked two fingers together, the image of the doors opening held firmly in her head. There was a moment of stillness, then a sense of recognition flooded the air around Rose and the TARDIS doors flew open as though by their own accord.

Rose wanted to smile, but she found she couldn't. She felt trapped in the body she had been given. She wanted to be herself again, she didn't want to be this other person, she wanted to be Rose Tyler.

"Hello old friend," she whispered as she stepped inside the ship. The doors closed themselves behind her and a soft, hollow smile crept across her lips. _So this is what it is to be the Doctor, _she thought to herself, _feeling empty and as though you're someone you're not. If this is what regeneration does to you then I think sometimes it must be better to die. _The TARDIS hummed, as though she knew Rose's emotions better than Rose did. "I suppose you're right. Sometimes you just have to go on," Rose agreed. She couldn't remember when she had started understanding the TARDIS, but by now she felt as though she had spoken to the machine since she was a little girl.

Slowly, Rose walked around the central room, tracing the controls with a finger. Buttons and switches that had once made no sense to her now presented themselves to have a certain pattern and order to them. This newfound knowledge made Rose feel all the more powerful, like nothing could ever stop her if she wanted something. In her head she was a Time Lord. She may not have the inheritance or quite the experience of a true alien, but her mind told her she was no longer human. She knew she hadn't been fully human in a long time, but the regeneration had woken up something inside her, something that only by being alone in the TARDIS had she fully come to understand.

"I wonder…" she whispered, more to herself than the ship, as she made her way to the little screen sat by the captain's chair. She traced the fabric of the chair with a finger, marvelling at the texture of material from another world. The TARDIS hummed again, as though egging her on as she moved to look at the screen. Alonzo had taught her a lot of Gallifrayen during their lives together, but the swirling patterns on the TARDIS screen had always meant more than he could teach. _"You would have to understand the very nature of the TARDIS to read her. You would have to know exactly what you want her to tell you, exactly what you need her to tell you, and exactly how to listen to what _she's_ telling _you_." _But now, as she gazed down at the designs, she found them muddling and un-muddling inside her head. The power was almost pain as she felt the TARDIS itself whirr in her mind, making sense where there had previously been none. It was then that she found she _knew._ She knew everything. In that moment, she understood the Doctor like she had never understood anyone, even herself. She had known what it was to be alone, and now she knew what it was to know you're alone. Only he wasn't alone, not any more, cause now he had her. He had his Rose. But she was more than that now. She could be more than what she had been for him before. Because now she understood him, and she understood what she had to do to let go.

She made to move away, but from nowhere an image came into her head.

_Rose Tyler sat upright in a hospital bed, Alonzo had his hand on her shoulder and in her arms was their baby. She was beautiful, deep, brown eyes that were so deep you could lose yourself in them. Her mouth was slightly apart, her rosy mouth pouted and restless. A tear was still sat on her cheek; she hadn't stopped crying very long ago. Rose was exhausted, but it was worth it just to hold this tiny life in her arms. Alonzo moved forward, and she allowed him to take their child from her. She felt a tiny pang of fear for the infant, but she pushed it aside as she saw the Doctor in Alonzo's eyes, holding the ultimate bond two people could share. As quickly as it came, the mirage of the Time Lord disappeared - to Rose's relief - now wasn't the time to be thinking of lost loves, now was the time to focus on her present, on the future. She had Alonzo, and now she had Sophie. And she was happy. She WAS happy!_

Rose opened her eyes to find herself on the floor of the TARDIS, tears streaming down her checks. _I'll never let go_, she thought to herself. But maybe what she'd tried to tell the Doctor since she'd met him was true. That there really _was_ a way of letting go, but still holding on.


End file.
